Why I Cannot Do Hookup Culture

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I am a relationship girl.  I get attached easily.  I live in a fictional world that depends on my imagination creating false ideologies about the guys I like.  It makes me ask, "Do I really like them, or do I like the idea of them?”  I cannot do hookups for that exact reason.  

In college, it almost feels like a rite of passage to download Tinder and meet guys to only hook up with.  I will not lie and say I did not partake in this, but it almost felt out of obligation.  I met some great guys and not-so-great guys.  I have been led on and disappointed.  I would get caught up in the idea of them — a guy I created.  To them, what we had was transactional, but to me, I was envisioning him falling in love with me and wanting more.  How can I not get attached to that idea?  Ever since I was little, I have watched Disney princesses find their princes, fall in love, and run off into the sunset.  I have watched rom-coms where the girl falls, but the guy falls harder.  But it was nothing like that.  

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I did it to myself every time.  I walked into hookups telling myself “It’s just a hookup” and then left them wondering what amazing thing would happen next.  It was hard to detach myself from the ideas I created.  Some guys I would get more attached to than others.  I remember my freshman year I was head over heels for this one guy.  He would tell me how much he missed me and how much he would want to see me, only to just use me for one thing.  I could not separate the fact I liked him and that what I was doing was not supposed to involve feelings.  He led me on time and time again, and when I was finally brave enough to ask for myself, I was shut down with the typical, nonchalant “I’m just not ready for a relationship.”  Those seven words were like a knife to my heart.  

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Wanting more than a hookup in a town where most of the guys are not even mature enough or ready to commit to something more is isolating.  Even my best friends are more into the hookup culture than I am.  I sometimes feel out of place and wonder why I cannot separate personal feelings from a good time.  

I like stability and commitment.  I like when I know what is going on and what is going to happen.  I find that hookups do not bring either, just the occasional text at 2 A.M. asking me what I am doing and if I want to come over. 

I will not sit here and lie that I do not enjoy the fiery and swift attention I get from these guys, but I know it is not for me.  I am tired of giving more than I receive and wanting more than what is offered.  I know that someday the perfect guy will come around, but I am not built for the hookup culture that surrounds me. 

Strike Out,

Writer: Lauren Butrum

Editor: Jayna O

Tallahassee