When We Were Closer
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Losing friendships is as inevitable in life as getting older. The chapters of our existence are bookmarked by the people who enter and exit them. Looking back, it can feel like many of our friendships are ultimately temporary, and with that thought comes some anguish, but I also think there’s some beauty in it.
It’s easy to feel like certain friends will always be around in the thick of it. From inside jokes to certain routines and even just the everyday mundane moments, they can feel like the center of your universe—a constant fixture. Like a romantic relationship, it can be challenging to imagine a world without their presence. And then, somewhere along the line, you just sort of drift apart.
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Friendship breakups are challenging, and I think we can all say we have some experience with a bigger blow-up situation resulting in no contact (yikes). You grieve the people you thought you once knew, begin the healing process, and eventually, move on.
Personally, I would posit that those ‘drift-apart’ friendships are even harder to grapple with. Nobody necessarily did anything wrong. Maybe someone moved to a different school or state, began taking up other interests, or just lost contact. Likes and messages on social media have slowed from sparse to nonexistent, as have texts and calls. Before you realize it, you haven’t sat in this person’s car, stayed up all night talking, or even heard their voice in years. It's not something one thinks about until it hits you and you realize you never got the closure you desperately want now. They unintentionally haunt your life when you come across things that remind you of them.
Unfortunately, there’s no guidebook to tell you how to heal from a friendship fizzling out, especially if that pain occurs slowly. But what I have learned after 20 years and many different eras is that outgrowing people is a natural part of life. Just because you both have moved on, it does not mean it wasn’t meaningful or real. Those we held so closely throughout our upbringing, in college, and beyond reflect who we were at each time. Just as I’m thankful for every past version of myself, I’m also thankful for those I surrounded myself with, who molded me into the person I am today.
Image Courtesy: The New York Times
When the two-way silence stretches out more and more, it can feel like an even greater hurdle to reconcile. As trite as it sounds, it really can’t hurt to reach out and try again, especially because they might feel the same way. My closest friend and I drifted apart for almost a year and a half until I invited her to a Stevie Nicks concert (Stevie bonds us all). We’ve been inseparable ever since.
Friendship can be fleeting, but it does not have to be forgotten.
Strike Out,
Writer: Elizabeth D’Amico
Editor: Layne Schulte
Tallahassee