When The Situationship Is Over
It’s hard to define a situationship, but most of us know it when we see it. If you’re anything like me, finding yourself as a part of one only means wishing you weren’t. They can be very distinctly messy and difficult arrangements in which you may feel as if you’re communicating with that person too much and too little simultaneously, and neither of you quite know where the other stands. These arrangements are semi-successful for some, either progressing appropriately or stalling on some level with which both parties are content; for others, they fail completely after weeks or months or even years. In my experience, a situationship often idles somewhere between a romantic relationship and a friendship, possessing the undertones of both and proving a true embodiment of neither.
I’m learning quickly that it’s difficult to be eloquent about it. Situationships are often a little jagged and inelegant, so bear with me. If you know exactly what I’m trying to say here, it’s probably because you’ve worn these same shoes. It’s confusing while it’s occurring, but what are you supposed to do when it’s over? When your situationship ends, you can be left with more questions than you ever thought yourself capable of having, but you don’t really have anywhere to address them. You may feel as if many of them contradict one another.
You weren’t together, but you were together often.
There’s a lot you’d like to tell them, but if you passed them on the street tomorrow you wouldn’t know what to say. You weren’t in a relationship, so why do you feel as if you’ve gone through a breakup when you no longer speak? You may see that person again, but you’ll never again see them in the same way. You both did and said things you aren’t proud of, but you are proud of yourself for either ending it or coping with the end. You cared about them, yet you’re relieved that you don’t have to navigate a relationship—or lack thereof—with them anymore. You may find yourself questioning whether you wanted it to be more than it was, or perhaps if it would have been better off as less. You might even be wondering if you have the right to be unsettled by any of this.
It’s hard to lose something that wasn’t a firm commitment, and it’s hard to reconcile that you’re upset over something that you weren’t really sure was “something” to begin with. Even if you’re the party who called it quits, your feelings on the end of it can be complicated. Situationships almost definitionally don’t offer the closure you may crave. Here are some things that I’ve tried to remember as I’ve wrapped up my latest, greatest situationship:
This, like most things, was just a phase of your life. It’s over now, and that’s all it has to be. Don’t dwell on regret, guilt, or uncertainty. Feel it. Recognize that these feelings are temporary, and move on.
The fact that it’s over now feels weird. That doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing by ending it or letting it end. It felt weird while it was going as well, right?
Going back rarely works out. The best we can do is move forward, and that is enough.
Name redacted, if you’re reading this, it isn’t about you. Hope you’re well.
Strike Out,
Written by: Sarah Singleton
Edited by: Hanna Bradford
Graphic by: Hallie Meers
