Under The Influence
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I’ve been here for three months. “It’ll be fun,” they said. It isn’t. I’m eighteen, fresh out of high school, and I’m supposed to have my entire future planned out. It isn’t fair. I’m not like the other kids. I don’t have a dream. I don’t know what I want to be. I just want to live life. Is that so much to ask? Tomorrow, I have my third exam of the week. Third time’s a charm. Hopefully, I do better than I did on the first two. My parents tell me I’m not trying hard enough. Have they considered the possibility that maybe I am just not good enough? I’m not. . . I know I’m not. Maybe I need Adderall. That’ll help me focus. Or maybe I need weed, just to relax. Or maybe I should drink away my sorrows and enjoy a night out on the town. I don’t know. I still have no idea. As I look at the concoction of drugs that sit before me, calling my name, pulling me in, I wonder how harmful a dabble could be. I want to give them a try, I think. But I just don’t know…
***
I started doing drugs at a party freshman year. Everyone was drinking. All my friends were smoking. They asked me to join them, but I was scared. I had never smoked before. I couldn’t. But I wanted them to like me; I wanted to be part of their group so badly. So I started to convince myself it was okay. I remember thinking, “It’s no big deal. This is a one-time thing.” So I picked up a cigarette. The second it touched my mouth, I felt the nicotine tickling my lips as I fought back coughs from the harsh smoky taste. I hated it, but once the smoke entered my body, the pain and anxiety lingering within me evaporated from my body for a couple of seconds. I felt a moment of tranquility. And that exhilarated me, leaving me wondering when I would feel that way next. My mind filled with static, but I still felt numb – safe. This peacefulness was foreign to me, and once it faded away, I instantly knew I would crave it again. The next time I saw one of my friends reaching for a cigarette, I asked for a puff. I wanted to experience the same numbness I felt that night at the party. I remember the look on her face after I asked. A smile slowly spread across her cheeks, and she exclaimed “Now we can finally smoke together!” Smoking became our norm. Soon, it became a norm amongst my other friends too. I believe that was the start of my addiction— the start of an endless cycle, where the only thought on my mind is nicotine. I can’t focus in class, and feel my heart race when I go too long without it. It’s my favorite craving. Yet it’s the thing I hate the most. And now, I struggle every day to go without it.
***
When we think of college life, we often picture a time of newfound independence, self-discovery, and exciting adventures. But beneath the surface lies a much darker reality. The pressures and stresses of academic life can push students to turn to alcohol and drugs as a means of coping, creating a complex and perilous relationship between the college lifestyle and addiction. With college comes rigorous coursework, challenging exams, and the constant pressure to perform at your best. It's no surprise that many students seek a sense of freedom through such means. These substances provide an escape, a short-lived dopamine rush far away from the overwhelming weight of academia. The allure of self-medication becomes a syringe of hope for those in need of relief, and, initially, it seems like a harmless choice—a one-time solution to aid in studying or a means to fight anxiety before bed. However, as the pressure surmounts, what started as an occasional escape can quickly spiral into addiction, turning a seemingly innocent choice into a life-altering struggle. The reasons behind students turning to drugs are as varied as the individuals themselves. Some seek an escape from their fears and insecurities, while others aim to numb the relentless anxiety that plagues their academic life. What once was a simple coping mechanism soon transforms into a vicious cycle, as the temporary relief is inevitably replaced by deeper despair, which worsens with withdrawal. The consequence of addiction becomes another burden to carry.
Academic performance can suffer as the addiction tightens its grip, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and plummeting grades. The strain on mental well-being is immeasurable, as individuals grapple with the constant demands of substance dependence. Long-term prospects often become unimaginable, as the addiction casts a shadow over the once-promising futures of these students.
Strike Out,
Writers: Zara Khan, Lucia Villanustre, & Lucas Zaret
Editors: Isabel Wilder, Noelle Knowlton, & Jayna O
Tallahassee