The “Girlfriend Effect” Is Just Acting Like His Mom
There are a few deal breakers for every relationship that cannot be changed. He has to have good hygiene, some sense of humor, can’t have a wandering eye, and has to be looking for a girlfriend… not another mom.
A recent trend has taken over TikTok: girls showing off the before and after of their boyfriends and calling it the “girlfriend effect.” If you open the comment section of any of these videos, you see dozens of people praising the girlfriend for teaching her man to finally get rid of his greasy hair and have a semi-decent style while gushing over how good the boyfriend looks now. But this seems less like the magical effects of having a girlfriend and more like an exhausted girl teaching her boyfriend the wonderful skills of basic grooming that were taught to every girl since we could walk.
There are hundreds of examples of this. Girls teach their boyfriends how to cook eggs, do their laundry, and baby them in a way that is creepily close to how a mother takes care of their infant; boys get upset at their girlfriends when they act like a partner and not a caretaker. The most damning thing has to be how so many women just accept this and accept taking up part of being a mother to their significant others instead of acting as a partner.
It’s really no surprise that we have so many dysfunctional relationships like this. My parents would tell my brothers that they needed to find a woman who would take care of them, and when they were teasing them, they made jokes about how they would find a woman to cook and clean for them. To them, their future daughters-in-law must be willing to take care of their sons as if they were children and not grown men.
I got remarks about how I should learn to cook, clean, and look prettier, all while being piled with twice the amount of chores as my brothers. It was just how the world worked, my mother claimed. The number of times I got scolded for not washing the dishes right after I got home from work while both of my brothers had been lounging around the house all day. My mom once even told me I had to take care of my brother and help him– despite him being two years older!
Girls are trained to be caretakers, not partners, and boys grow up expecting a caretaker who will act just like their mom– except for the fact they get to sleep with them (we, as a society, have to stop proving Freud right).
This isn’t anything new; wives have acted as caretakers to their husbands instead of partners for generations. We have seen our grandmothers and aunts be worn down by this role, only to go on to promote the same outdated views to the next generation. The world encourages men to find women who play the part of a mother while shaming women for wondering why they should take on that kind of role for their partner.
But as of late, more and more women have shaken off that responsibility. We are looking to be someone’s partner, to help make big decisions, and to support and be supported by someone we care about– not teach some guy how to load the dishwasher and do everything for them except wipe their ass. Breaking away from traditional relationships and their strict gender roles, women today have steadfastly avoided men looking for a second mom.
So the next time you see your partner acting in need of some parenting from you, start running in the other direction.
Strike Out,
Boca Raton
Rameen Naviwala
Rameen Naviwala is a content writer for Strike Magazine Boca. A water sign that enjoys rom-coms and reading melodramatic novels, she spends most of her time with headphones on and scribbling down whatever thought comes to mind. You can reach her at rameen.naviwala@outlook.com.
