Are You Really Friends With Your Benefits?

Friends with benefits– the anomaly that everyone seems to want to try on. According to Oxford Languages and Google, a friend with benefits is “a friend with whom one has an occasional and casual sexual relationship.”

Urban Dictionary says, “Two friends who trust each other enough to engage in sexual activity without fear of hurting the other's feelings.”

But a quick scroll to the second search result yields “close friends who think it would be fun to have sex with each other again and again. Until one falls in love and gets their heart broken when the other doesn't want a relationship.”

Now, I’m not trying to be negative, but I think ZeldaGlitterDoll187 on Urban Dictionary has a pretty accurate perspective. Friends with benefits is a very tricky and tipsy scale. There are really only two ways the situation truly is: either you’re not friends, and you’re just there for the benefits, or you’re enjoying the benefits and wanting to be more than friends. 

Modern hookup culture has left us all stunned. Dates are non-existent, “I’ll pick you up at 8” has turned into “Wyd?” texts at 2 a.m., and mutual respect in general is just gone. Like my roommate once said to me, “It’s a doggy-dog world out there; play the game or get played.” The closest thing we have to dating right now is the “situationship,” and the next best thing is friends with benefits. 

However, people use the term too broadly. I hate to break it to you, but if you and your “friend with benefits” don't speak to each other until you get into the bedroom, that’s not your friend. The relationship is in the name. The two of you have to know each other on some sort of deeper level to even call it friends. You can just call it a hookup or “sneaky link” if that’s what it truly is, but do yourself a favor and don’t even give it the friends label. Call it what it is, and own the fact you’re really just there for the sex. 

The other side of this scale is the one where you’re definitely more than friends. You see each other a lot, you’re sleeping with each other, maybe even going out to bars and restaurants together, you’ve met their friends…it’s pretty much a relationship. Except you don’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, neither of you has the courage to say how they actually feel, so it’s just “friends.” 

Why are we so scared of labels? Why can’t we just own up to it and say, “Hey, I like this person,” and maybe even call it dating? And why are we lying to ourselves and calling someone a friend who is not really our friend? 

The only solid advice I have to give you is this: “Friends with benefits” is a sticky situation and tends to end up with someone getting hurt, so maybe think twice about hopping into bed with one of your besties. If you’re calling something that’s borderline a relationship just “friends,” maybe you should re-evaluate how you truly feel about this person. Maybe we all just need a little courage to tell each other how we genuinely feel. 

Strike out, 

Haley Dockendorff

Boca Raton 

Haley Dockendorff is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. Loud and proud, this Virgo loves writing just about anything that will cause a bit of commotion. If you can’t find her, she’s probably somewhere on a beach with a camera in hand. You can reach her at haleydockendorff143@gmail.com