A Lonely Girl’s Guide to Long Distance
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Chances are, we all have that one friend who is constantly talking about their long distance partner. I have enough self-awareness to know that, in my case, I am that friend. So coming from the lonely girl herself, here is my unauthorized (and somewhat unqualified) guide to a long distance relationship.
A few weeks ago, one of my closest and oldest friends told me that he was planning on entering a long distance relationship for his upcoming freshman year of college. My first thought? Yikes. Long distance is a fate I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. But I also understand that… when it’s worth it, it’s worth it.
However, anyone going into a long distance relationship should know what to expect. It sucks.
The hardest adjustment is accepting that your S.O. is now going to have an entire part of their life you’re not there for. They will have new friends, make new memories, and whether you like it or not, they will be changing as a person. My way of coping with this was two-fold:
Just because you’re not physically there does not mean you’re not part of their life. I promise that you will see your partner in so many ways throughout your day, and they will notice the same.
2. Growing as different people is actually kind of fun!
To expand on my second point, being in a long distance is an incredibly unique opportunity that sometimes I’m actually grateful for. You are forced to spend time away from your S.O which, although initially painful, allows you to spend time bettering yourself. You’re able to make new friends, develop new interests and do fun things. The best part about this is at the end of the day, you get to FaceTime your favorite person and tell them all about it.
This brings me to my next point: FaceTime. Our generation is incredibly lucky to have FaceTime and frankly, you would be dumb to not take advantage of it. As a couple, set aside times in your day (I recommend before bed) to FaceTime each other. Even if it’s a ten minute call to tell each other about your days, the act of finding small ways to incorporate them into your life goes a long way. In addition, the browser extension “Teleparty” allows you to watch shows with other people with a little chat box. Add a FaceTime call, and you’ve got yourself a long distance movie night.
However, I will be the first to concede that FaceTime only works to a certain extent. It is inevitable to miss being around and making memories with your person. Thus, the best part of long distance is, without a doubt, the visits. Especially the first few visits after moving, there is nothing quite like showing your favorite person your new world and your people. No feeling can compare to that leading up to visiting your S.O. Oddly enough, you will feel a little nervous, like you’re going on a first date again. But then when you're finally with them, it will feel just like home again. Plan times to visit each other in advance, because half the fun is looking forward to it. (Today, I’m 15 days away from seeing mine! :) ) I’ve found that if you don’t have a date to count down to until you see each other again, the distance can be overwhelming.
All of these things are imperfect solutions, as nothing can truly stop the hardships that come with long distance. You might find that when you miss each other, weirdly, you may tend to start a fight. These fights are usually stupid and trivial, but because you’re not with each other, they seem infinitely worse. Lately, I’ve started asking myself: If we were together and fighting about this same thing and he hugged me, would I be over it? Usually, the answer is yes. So I give it up.
Love is hard to express from 13 hours away. My sister said to me once that long distance is hard because you have to keep it a relationship rather than just a friendship. Sometimes you will know that your partner loves you, but you won’t necessarily feel loved. In most cases, that’s not your partner’s fault, that’s long distance. It’s not because your partner doesn’t love you or doesn’t care; it’s because the ways you express love when you’re together might not be possible anymore, and it takes adjustment to find new ways to show it.
The biggest thing to remember through all of this is you two are a team. You’re in it together. Whatever you’re feeling, your partner is probably feeling it also. Trust and communication are key, talk things out exhaustively. Although it’s a clichè, “distance makes the heart grow fonder” is very real. Long distance will give you an incredible bond, and it will all be worth it in the end. But in the meantime, it really sucks and some days will be harder than others. Sometimes, a nice long cry will actually do the trick. But when things get really hard, I like to think about how lucky I am.
As much as I miss my boyfriend, I am so grateful that I am the one that gets to miss him.
Strike Out,
Alex Keezer
Editor: Grace Maneein
Athens