Just Give The Finance Bro a Chance
Remember that checklist you made for your future partner that you just can’t find the right candidate for? Maybe someone has the right style or the perfect music taste but never all 40 of the requirements you wrote down. Why can’t anyone ever seem to find the ”perfect” person? Your soulmate, the one who is everything you could ever want in a person… your lobster if you will.
I’ll tell you why. You’re being shallow. That little mental checklist of all the personality traits you want someone you’re dating to have is useless and is wasting time. “Huh? I thought I was being shallow when I wanted someone to have blue eyes or be 6 feet tall for me to go out with them.”
I actually thought this until I realized that I’ve been shallow this whole time, but not because I wanted a guy with a particular physical appearance. I wanted a type of guy I manufactured in my mind, not a reality. I wanted an “old soul,” a guy who liked ‘70s bands, read classic novels, and played guitar. But God forbid he was majoring in business because, no, I wanted a guy who pursued humanities for his choice of work. I would block guys out of my life who didn’t fit these requirements because how could I ever relate to them? Doesn’t that make me sound like kind of an a**hole?
That’s when it hit me. I’m shallow—the label nobody ever wants to be put under. Think about the number of times someone reassured you, “Oh no, I’m not shallow; I prefer personality,” when the personality they preferred filled certain boxes on their checklist.
I’m not saying you’re a horrible person by having a checklist for a partner. Not at all. Standards are great, especially when choosing a partner who shows you respect, kindness, and love. But at times, the list can get out of hand. When you begin hyper-focusing on the little things that a person *must* have for you to date them, you’re missing out on so many other people you’ve swiped left on. These people could have ultimately been a far better match than the person you picked only because you preferred their taste in music.
It’s easy to fall for someone who shares many interests with you. Whether it’s music, fashion, hobbies, plans for the future, ideologies, etc., it’s natural for the brain to form a checklist and become infatuated when someone fits it. But when you see someone as all the things you love about them, you tend to lose sight of who they truly are. They could be the complete opposite of you in areas that matter, but how would you know when you’re solely obsessing over the little things you have in common?
Everyone is shallow in one way or another. I’m not saying it’s right, but everybody has flaws. What is right, and what I want everybody to take away from this, is to practice awareness about who you pursue romantically or even platonically. It’s essential to be aware of when your list is dominating your dating life. Value people not only for the characteristics you like about them but for every aspect of who they are as a person, whether it checks off the boxes or not.
Strike Out,
Parmis Etezady
Boca Raton
Parmis Etezady is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. In her free time, she likes to collect records, go to rock concerts (or blast music in her bedroom), and obsess over vintage fashion. You can reach her at petezady@gmail.com.
