Failed Plant Parenthood: Green Survivors for the Botanically Challenged
So, you wanted to become a plant parent. In a last-ditch effort to come up with some kind of New Year’s resolution, you thought, “Why not add a little more greenery into my space?” But now it’s mid-February, and your attempt at a green thumb has resulted in involuntary plant slaughter.
Don’t let this setback soil your parenthood dreams just yet. We’re here to introduce you to some laid-back chlorophyll cuties that are sure to bring some sunshine into your life.
Aloe Vera
Image Courtesy: House Plant Shop
Aloe vera is a healer in a pot—forever on standby as a sunburn soother, skin hydrator, and wound mender. With its thick, spiky green leaves packed full of cooling gel, it’s basically the overachiever of the succulent world. Minimal water, bright light, and a little neglect? No problem. This baby knows how to handle tough love.
Lace Aloe
Image Courtesy: Just Succ It
The lace aloe is the it-girl little cousin of aloe vera—smaller, spikier, and always dressed in its signature white polka-dot lace. Its dark green, triangular leaves form a perfect rosette. Tough but elegant, this drought-tolerant beauty thrives on minimal care—just some bright light, the occasional drink, and a pot that won’t trap water. And if it’s feeling like a diva, it might surprise you with some tall fiery orange flowers.
Jade Plant
Image Courtesy: The Sill
The jade plant is basically the “money tree” of the succulent world—low-maintenance, long-living, and supposedly lucky enough to boost your fortune (or, at the very least, your plant-care confidence). With its thick, glossy green leaves that look like tiny coins, this little powerhouse grows on occasional watering and bright light.
Gollum Jade
Image Courtesy: Succulents Box
The Gollum jade is the quirky, otherworldly cousin of the classic jade plant. With its tubular, finger-like leaves that look like tiny green suction cups, this succulent is both bizarre and beautiful. It thrives on neglect, asking only for bright light, well-draining soil, and sometimes, a sip of water.
Earth Star Plant
Image Courtesy: House Plant Shop
The Earth Star is like a tiny explosion of color straight from another planet. With its star-shaped, crinkly leaves in shades of green, pink, red, or even striped patterns, this little bromeliad looks like it belongs in a sci-fi garden. Unlike its high-maintenance tropical cousins, the Earth Star is happy chilling in regular indoor humidity—no obsessive misting required! Just give it some indirect light, occasional watering, and a little admiration, and it’ll keep looking stellar.
Snake Plant
Image Courtesy: The Sill
The snake plant is the ultimate “set it and forget it” houseplant. With its tall, sword-like leaves and striking green patterns, it’s nature’s version of modern art. Practically indestructible, this plant flourishes on neglect. Forget to water it for weeks? No problem. Low light? It’ll survive. This striped friend is the best low-maintenance roommate.
Pothos Plant
Image Courtesy: The Sill
The pothos plant is basically the MVP of houseplants. It’s fast-growing and nearly impossible to kill. With its trailing vines and heart-shaped leaves in shades of green, yellow, or even marbled white, pothos is the chill, grow-with-the-flow best friend every plant parent needs. It thrives in low light, bright light, or that weird in-between spot you’re unsure about. If you’re looking for a little bit of jungle action in your space, pothos is the new baby for you.
String of Pearls
Image Courtesy: House Plant Shop
The string of pearls is a great plant for those who want to add a touch of whimsy to their space. It's bead-like leaves that look straight out of a botanical jewelry collection. This succulent can handle neglect—just give it plenty of bright light, a little water when the soil's dry, and watch those pearls cascade. It's the kind of plant that just wants to hang out. This trailing beauty turns any space into a mini jungle.
Now fully equipped with the guide to some lax leafy friends you're sure to love, here are some tips to ensure your problem is solved at the root:
Plants aren't looking for a spring break tan, but they do need some light. Avoid dark corners unless it's a low-light plant.
Less is more. Overwatering kills more plants than underwatering. Think of it as texting your ex. When in doubt, wait it out.
No one likes wet feet. Make sure their pots have drainage holes to keep their roots from rotting.
Give it the finger. Feel about an inch into the soil. If it's dry, water. If it's still damp, wait a few days.
Forgetful? Set a reminder on your phone. One notification could be the difference between thriving greenery and a crispy leaf graveyard.
Congratulations! You're now officially out of excuses for killing your plants. With these easygoing green guys, you'll be watching your babies grow into a mellow oasis in no time. And if things still go south? It may be time to resort to a more plastic paradise.
Strike Out,
Morgan Harms
Boca Raton
Morgan Harms is the Senior Editor for Strike Magazine Boca. She’s a student journalist and creative writer who enjoys taking an artistic approach to her pieces. Her work ranges widely, from the hottest news stories, to college relationship drama, and even some sappy poetry. You can reach her by email at morganjharms@gmail.com or on Instagram @morganjharms and @morganjharmswrites.
