Exes, The Invasive Species
“The apex predator, the ex, claws its way straight through and invades our subconscious.” - Jessica Giraldo
Image Courtesy: Instagram
All over TikTok, we see “happy one year no contact” cakes, with people celebrating the fact that they have not heard from their ex. Well, good for you! Not all of us are so lucky, especially when we end up under fire in our dreamland. Sleep is meant for relaxation, for rejuvenation, and yet sometimes the apex predator, the ex, claws its way straight through and invades our subconscious. The last time you spoke has little impact on their sheer willpower to ruin your good night's rest.
I think the explanation we are most often given as to why this happens is that you dream of your ex because they’re thinking about you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they probably are not.
Image Courtesy: Instagram
My ex is living his best life in one of the top ten vacation destination spots, so I am probably the last thing on his mind. Yet, I still end up getting the one-off dream that sets back all my healing to square one. So, why are we really dreaming of our exes? One thing about dreams is they often tend to replicate reality. These dreams stem from unresolved feelings about your ex-partner. You may have been blindsided by the breakup or that last conversation you had never gave you closure. It is hard to fully move on from a relationship when you still have so many questions as to why it ended. These feelings and dreams do not always mean you are still in love with your ex. You are probably experiencing frustration, anger, jealousy, and feelings of neglect, all feelings equally as strong as being in love or sad over your ex.
These dreams can be incited from trauma and cognitive responses developed from your past relationship. Personally, I had a lot of reworking to do on myself when I was handling my break-up. There was a lot of codependency on each side, my need for his validation and attention, and his need for me to constantly be his beacon of light, hope and peace. Even if you do not fight or intentionally cause harm to your significant other, this does not mean you are in a healthy relationship. When I catch myself feeling the same way I did in my relationship, neglected and ignored, is when my thoughts of that ex and relationship begin to flare up. It is also when I play “the grudge” by Olivia Rodrigo on repeat. In return, the dreams begin to invade my peace. Essentially, just because you had a dream about your ex, does not mean the dream is actually about your ex. The emotions and memories you associate with that relationship can be more significant to the dream than the actual embodiment of your ex.
Image Courtesy: Instagram
The biggest key to interpreting your own dreams is to recognize your personal emotional state and feelings. Write down what you felt during the dream and after, and especially write down your response to those emotions. Tracking down your emotions makes it easier for you to connect the dots as to why you are having these dreams. It is also important to write down what happened in the dream and to do this each time so you can identify any patterns that keep reoccurring in your subconscious.
It can be fun to think that these dreams mean that you and your ex are soul-bonded, forever in love, and intertwined. Unfortunately, that is not the reality and you should not believe it to be. Break-ups are hard, often making you feel lost and completely alone. All you want to do is cling on to any grasp of familiarity. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be realistic and analyze your own feelings. Trying to understand the way your own brain works levitates stress and allows you to develop coping mechanisms that are healthy and work for you. Plus, it is better to have loved and lost than to be dreaming about a loser for the rest of your life.
Strike Out,
Jessica Giraldo
Saint Augustine
Editors: Maya Kayya, Emmy Brutnell
Jessica Giraldo is the Assistant to the Editor-in-Chief, Blog Director, Writer, and Makeup Artist for Strike Magazine, Saint Augustine. Jess is addicted to her Revlon blowout brush and sweet little treats (especially mint Oreos). Check her out on Instagram: @jessica.giraldo and reach her via email: jessicagiraldobusiness@gmail.com
