Am I in love? Wait… Maybe I’m not
Image Courtesy: Graphic Design
Are you in love? Do you feel a rush in your veins when you see that special someone? Do you find your conscious thoughts always invaded by the idea of this person? Do you think that is love or could that possibly be lust? Or is it limerence?
Limerence is defined as “the state of being obsessively infatuated with someone, usually accompanied by delusions of or a desire for an intense romantic relationship with that person” The person they are infatuated with is considered the limerent object. On the contrary, lust is, “usually intense or unbridled sexual desire”. We live in a society of fast fallers where sometimes we cannot distinguish between our true feelings for the actual person as opposed to the image we have conjured of that person in our heads. As a result, our minds get jumbled at the first glimmer of any desire.
Love might feel different to every person and in this article, I will not dictate your feelings of love. However, I think it is important to distinguish between love, lust and limerick. Let me break them down.
Lust is the easiest of the three to decipher. According to a Harvard article in 2017 lust is chemical, characterized by sexual desire and our ‘need’ to reproduce. With lust, there is an increase in sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen from the testes and ovaries. I don’t necessarily believe that lust is all about reproduction and the idea that lust is through these specific hormones can become very binary which doesn’t apply to all sexual relationships. Lust overall is this instance of feeling sexual desire and although we might think our feelings for a person are stronger… sometimes people just want to be together in bed.
Have you ever felt obsessed with your significant other, in an absolute state of infatuation? They consume all your thoughts and you're filled with this intense passion towards them. Some might call this love, others will say it’s limerence.
People who think they fall in love ‘too fast’ are usually infatuated with the other person and sometimes think they can’t live without them. Limerence can involve intrusive thoughts about the other party and can put you in an entirely different state of mind than your own. This is not to say that limerence is necessarily a bad feeling. It is better to recognize limerence than thinking you’re in love with the other person.. The feeling can be heart filling but it is encouraged not to feed on it. Once people recognize that it wasn’t love and they learn what limerence is, thoughts on relationships change.
Love is about stability, emotional attachment, and an overall healthier feeling than limerence. Although love can entail sexual desire like lust it does not have to be entirely about that. Someone can be romantically in love with another and not have sex at all. Although it’s sometimes not clear to tell if you're in love with someone or not once you know the differences in feelings it becomes more recognizable.
Strike Out,
Writer: Kyla Smith
Editor: Kaninika Dey
Graphic Design: Alexandra Purdy
Boston
