A Letter To My Freshman Year Self
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To my freshman-year self,
I’m not going to lie and say everything works out just how you thought it would, but what does happen is you start to realize you love that things don’t always work out the way you expected. Coming to college we’re always told that this is our time to “find ourselves”, and I think that's probably why freshman year was so hard for me. I was obsessed with the idea that I needed to find all the things that make me unique, I needed to know what I wanted to study, and who I wanted to be—expecting all of this from myself at 18. The truth is, as cliché as it may sound, the journey isn’t as much of finding yourself as it is letting yourself be open to new experiences, and that will come naturally as a result. There is nothing to “find”; you are right there, it’s just a matter of exploring and learning more that will lead you to start to understand yourself better through these actions. So calm down, don’t stay up stressing feeling like you don’t know your true identity because you are everchanging, there is no “one” identity you belong to. I can’t pretend that I am completely clear of this, though. Approaching the second semester of my junior year and getting closer to the end than the start, I definitely have moments where I find myself in these loops of “What am I really doing here?”. But now I try to go outside. To the park, the beach, or to just get fresh air and clear my mind. Reminding yourself at the end of the day that you are a human and that nature is good for you is the best medicine you could have.
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I want to tell you comparison is your worst enemy. Don’t compare yourself to others, especially your friends, because it will subconsciously make you bitter, and in this, you become even less of yourself. You will come to learn that you have flaws in the same way everyone else does. Take the microscope off yourself and see how everyone else is only focusing on their own. On the topic of friends, I know you struggled at first feeling alone. We are always told that college is where you’ll find your lifelong friend, and it’s a bit of a letdown to realize that it doesn’t happen instantly. But living in a college town has taught me that even when I am “alone”, I am never alone. You are surrounded by energy and people all the time, remembering this will start to make you feel less lonely. Finding the people that you truly get along with comes with allowing yourself to explore the things you truly enjoy doing. For a long time, I felt like I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I tried to match the online persona I had created for myself and fell flat when I found myself surrounded by people who felt two dimensional—because that was how I was making myself out to be. Join clubs. Go to the events. Reach out to the people you want to, and don’t be afraid, they probably are looking to be your friend too.
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The last thing I’ll say, and what I had to remind myself while writing this, is don’t regret. I want to say I regret not joining clubs sooner, and not being in nature sooner, but there is no point in having that feeling of regret. Regret weighs heavily down on you and throws you right back into the loop. Wallowing in your thoughts and regrets is counteractive to all the things you say you want to do. Falling down a spiral, stressing about the future, or regretting the past gets you nowhere but further away from allowing yourself to be happy. So let your guard down freshman-year self, be open to the opportunities, and allow yourself to shape the world around you.
Strike Out,
Writer: Daniella Garcia- Novas
Editor: Blake N. Fiadino
Tallahassee