Your Problem Isn’t With Gay Men, It’s With Femininity

Globally, gay men are disliked more than lesbian women. Furthermore, masculine gay men are widely more accepted than feminine gay men. While it could be selective homophobia, I argue that it is rooted in sexism instead.  

The term “femmephobia” refers to the devaluation and regulation of femininity. Dr. Rhea Ashley Hoskin is an interdisciplinary feminist sociologist who has spent over a decade researching this phenomenon. She argues that “violence against women, men, transgender people, and racial minorities is often exacerbated when elements of femmephobia are present. “  

Hoskin says that femmephobia affects not only queer women and men, but all women, and gives cis-gendered men the backing for their toxic masculinity.  

Hating femininity has a direct connection to hating women since femininity is defined as qualities regarded as characteristics of women. However, femininity is not restricted to women. Men can be feminine too... and it is not a crime.  

For centuries, feminine aspects have been looked at by men as less valuable. When a person of any gender shows emotion, sensitivity, or even likes the color pink, men have already deemed them as less superior. It’s sickening that in this day and age, being a woman or acting like a woman is still considered weak.  

Among the many LGBTQ+ friends I have in my life, I see femmephobia all the time. My best friend and roommate are both men in the community. However, one experiences much less criticism than the other due to the difference in how they present themselves.  

This is not to disregard the homophobia my masculine friend can experience, but it is to draw attention to the fact that my feminine friend has a lot more to worry about when he walks out of his apartment in the morning.  

Regardless of the people they are inside, how they look on the outside affects how they are treated.  

The age-old idea that men should be men and women should be women, and they shall not differ from those societal expectations fuels this hatred. Gender fluidity was coined in 1993, so don’t you think that a minimum of 31 years later, people could accept that men and women who portray femininity should not be discredited for the person they are?

You should not hold animosity toward gay men for being feminine, and you should not take pity on women for being feminine. Femininity is a beautiful attribute, regardless of gender, and I think everyone could benefit from a little more “softness” in their personalities.  

Strike Out,  

Kendall Ann Clark  

Boca Raton

Kendall Ann Clark is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca Raton. This 21-year-old girl is young and learning how to live. When she isn't writing or working at a local coffee shop, you can find Ken at the beach, reading, swimming, surfing, or at OBs. Follow Kendall on Instagram @kendallannwrites or connect with her through email kendallannclark@fau.edu