What It’s Like to spin for others

A hundred of tiny balls 

On a mirror that shines just for you 

To give you light and whatever version of me you choose. 

You can go or you can stay, 

I’ll still be here 

Spinning and spinning away.

When you lie at the center of the room, everyone knows who you are. But who you are isn’t just one person. These cracks you have—the ones all over you—have all joined together to create endless versions of yourself. When the lights are on and a party is near, you’re the one everyone’s eyes draw to. These lights that people reflect on you make you shine and glisten for others. Although no one can possibly return such a favor, you do this every time. You expect it, but certainly not reciprocation.

Even though you bought an outfit you can’t afford, studied all night for an exam you knew you wouldn’t pass anyway, deleted all the pictures that may suggest who you really are, no one would know that by simply looking at you. That’s what they all do anyway: you hang there, ready to be there for someone who may need you. If one’s light never crosses an inch into your line of sight, your presence is unnoticeable. Without the need for your attention and desire to laugh with or talk to you, you become nothing but a mirrorball whose purpose of shining disappears.

Although you’ve been broken millions of times, no one finds that relatable in you. Actually, people savor the way you break; it provides a reflection, a shine for them. 

So, the next time you see a disco ball spinning in a room, look around and see who is brutally trying behind their cool, effortless smiles. The tears form behind their glossy eyes but they look so dreamy you don’t even notice. The friend who bends their entire being to be there for you. Are you the person who gives their best, most precious parts of themselves just to keep people looking and laughing at you? 

Running, falling, smiling, standing can become exhausting when it’s for everyone but you. 

These people around us aren’t naturals, and trying has become their most labored activity. The mirrorball in our lives may be our best friends, or someone we may not know well. Perhaps you are one. 

To a mirrorball I say

Shine bright anyway, 

And when the light disappears

Don’t let the many versions of yourself 

Fade away.

Strike Out,

Written by: Madison Meadows

Edited by: Sarah Singleton

Graphic by: Gus Gaston