Unconventional Families Are Conventional
Breaks in college are essential: an opportunity to undo all the stress we have undergone throughout the semester and finally unwind. However, a different stress over break often arises. I find myself fidgeting as I ponder how I’ll react when inevitably awkward comments are made or what stories from college I’ll have to leave out when catching up with my family this Thanksgiving. Going home for the holidays always reminds me of the person I was before actually growing into myself, and I can feel the need to revert to the person only superficially known by many family members.
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My family often feels foreign to me, especially after going through such coming-of-age changes during my collegiate experience. When visiting extended family, it’s difficult to be myself in every conservation with a distant relative. Their preconceived notions about me, formed when I was a child — along with the cup of their hands when they show me how small I was a “little bit” ago (according to them) — make me feel that I should suppress the parts of myself that don’t fit into the childish stature I’m confined to. I’m scared to shed my surface-level, adolescent shell; my self-expression wages an internal battle between who I want to be versus who I’m thought to be.
Family is decided by forces far beyond the locus of our control: circumstances of pure chance determine who we were raised by and what we were surrounded with. Not choosing what environment we are immersed in and what comprises our identities leads us to soul search while still tip-toeing the fine line of pleasing our elders. We are often presented with opposing forces: the overarching military might of our parent’s desires and the unignorable rumblings of our wildest dreams. A lot of the time, who we want to be does not align with what our family foresaw our futures to be. Suppressing our biggest wishes just to fit in someone else’s vision is uncomfortable — yet it’s necessary to break the barriers we often feel trapped by in order to truly grow into ourselves. Strict family or not, feeling external pressure can hinder us from becoming everything we ever wanted to be.
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The awkwardness occasionally felt when reconnecting with family after time apart signals the maturity we have developed through our new experiences. Family nurtures us into adulthood, helping mold us into the people we have become; for that, we should be thankful since we wouldn’t be who we are without them. Yet, the most significant steps of growth on the road to fulfilling our ultimate potentials can only happen when we exit our comfort zone. Although we wouldn’t be who we are without our families, we should not hold back all that we can be because of them. As long as we are staying true to ourselves, the opinions of those tied to us merely through family titles — particularly ones whose role has increasingly diminished as we aged — should not dictate our personal transformations. We can appreciate their influence while still following our own hearts.
College has supplied us with real world exposure without the shields of our families. Though they protected us from challenges for which we were not yet equipped before moving out, time away has allowed newly exposed influences to further shape who we are. This freedom allows us to explore previously undiscovered realms, and through these experiences, we find out what we truly want for ourselves in the future. I’m not saying to discard everything our family taught us, as their influence has undoubtedly helped lead to the individuals we currently are. Yet, we can employ their lessons while still discovering our own truths about adulthood. We are not meant to stay mindlessly dedicated to everything ever taught to us; we should keep them in mind and evaluate their intrinsic value as we delve deeply into our own self-exploration, ultimately deciding for ourselves the turns we make on the road to fulfilling our personal dreams.
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For this reason, be bold this Thanksgiving: exhibit unapologetic authenticity to your newly grown self. The transformations we undergo inevitably shape our evolving selves, and by sharing who we are becoming with our families, we not only advance the fulfillment of our potentials but also strengthen our journey by outwardly embracing ourselves, even when possibly challenged within our familial circles. This confrontation empowers our emerging selves to confront external challenges, guiding introspective examinations that, in turn, foster further growth and fortify aspects of our identity as we mature. If we hide our true selves to our family in fear of what they would think, we risk delaying the pathway to our most realized selves. This Thanksgiving, let's authentically embrace our journey and fearlessly share who we've become with those around us. Through this action, we express genuine gratitude and love for all that we've achieved since our coming-of-age commencement of adolescence.
Strike out,
Writer: Penny Garza
Editor: Olivia Hansen
Graphic: Anabel Dent
Gainesville
