The Trials and Tribulations of Dating in your 20s
Dating in your twenties is hell. Half of your friends are on the brink of engagement, half are perpetually working on themselves, and the remainder are chronic ghosters. No matter which type of person you are, there is one common feeling amongst all twenty-somethings in the dating world: confusion.
Does he like me? Do I like him? Do I even want a relationship? Am I ready for that? We all go through this back and forth within ourselves, searching for answers that only come from experience. The dating experience has become completely different from what it used to be; even my textbook will tell you so. When we saw dating in movies or our parents talked about it, it sounded fun and sweet and wholesome. You meet a couple of times, one asks the other on a date, they pick you up, and you keep going on dates until someone pops the “will you be my girlfriend?” Dating back then was straightforward. They told you their feelings, and there was a clear definition of what the relationship was.
Today, you can live at someone's house, share a dog, split the grocery bill and still be “just hanging out.” It is overwhelmingly casual. Asking someone to tell you their intentions is laced with anxiety and fear that you’ll freak them out and seem crazy for wanting to know if this is going anywhere or not.
Just last week, my friend, unnamed of course, told me that she went on a date with a man who pursued her, the date was good, the boy said he would text her, never did, did not speak to her for days, and then proceeded to see her face-to-face and act like nothing happened and everything was cool. This situation made her question herself when from an outsider perspective, you can clearly see that he just sucks.
It is not uncommon for people to feel like this, no matter your dating preferences—to feel as if you are asking for too much—when simply expecting a reply from someone who went out of their way to let you know they would text you is normal. It is normal to think that people will do what they say they will and to believe them when they say they like you. Unfortunately, these days people are not honest with their feelings a lot of the time.
So, how do we navigate this world full of uncertainty and hidden intentions?
The healthy answer is that we try our best to be intentional with who we decide to date and to leave situations when they become toxic. This is definitely easier said than done when you have your rose colored glasses on, but we must stay strong. Here are my top 5 tips for recognizing that a relationship may be toxic:
After you discuss an issue with them, you leave questioning whether your feelings were valid.
You avoid telling your friends things they said or did because you think it will make your friends think badly about them.
You notice that they do not apologize to you. Instead, they rationalize their actions until you agree with them.
Their actions and words do not match. If they say they will change something, they don’t.
They treat you poorly, but when you pull away, they try extra hard to be kind. This cycle repeats.
At the end of the day, there is someone out there for everyone. Do not get caught up on what is not good for you because there is someone out there who is.
With love,
Kushi
Strike Out,
Writer: Kushi Zaver
Editor: Sarah Singleton
Chattanooga
