The Pleas of a Bad Feminist
A few days ago, I was at work when a man from the Wing-Stop a few doors down came into my job and struck up a conversation with me. He asked me what my name was and complimented me, saying I was “too pretty to be working full-time.” I laughed it off, sort of wishing he’d leave so I could get back to playing 2048 on the computer, and then he said “Lunch is on me today. Come by later and tell me what you want, and I’ll make it for you.” A little confused, I said “Sure, whatever you say.” I knew where he worked, but I hadn’t thought anything of it. It’s not like this was the first time men came into my job and started talking nonsense to me, you know? So the rest of my shift goes by and when I get off, I go to the Wing-Stop and order. The same guy was there, smiling and very friendly with me. When it came time to pay, he wouldn’t let me, insisting he meant what he said. My lunch really was on him.
Image Courtesy: Instagram
On my car ride home, I couldn’t help but feel…weird. Did that make me a bad feminist? It’s not like things in the same vein as this hadn’t happened before. Men at bars have paid for my drinks because they think I’m pretty, and one time a guy at the movies complimented my shirt (yeah let’s not read into this one too much) and rang me up for a cheaper ticket. Do those things make me a bad feminist too? What makes someone a “good” or “bad” feminist?
In my Women’s Studies class, we watched a recent late night show interview with author Roxane Gay, the woman who originally coined the term “bad feminist” with her debut novel back in 2014. She tells her readers how despite her novel coming out over a decade ago, she does still consider herself to be a bad feminist, but a “better bad feminist” now. And after feeling as though I was poured onto the pages of her novel, I can’t help but feel as though I’m one, too.
More often than not, I find myself feeling like a “bad feminist.” If an opportunity to use my “pretty privilege” presents itself, I take it. I don’t always agree with every single action that other feminists take. Sometimes when I’m annoyed at the fact that I have to go into work, I imagine how nice it would be to marry someone rich so that I don’t have to work another day in my life. I love wearing low cut tops and short shorts. I love listening to rap songs, and I don’t care if women are called “bitches” and “hoes.” Seems like I’m a pretty bad feminist, right?
Maybe. But maybe not.
I can’t help but wonder why even after all this time, people still view feminism in one specific light. When I first learned about it and why it was so important, I was taught that to be a feminist means to want equality for everyone: women, LGBTQ+, POC, and everyone in between. Yet for some reason, there are still people out there who think that it can only be achieved one way.
Image Courtesy: Instagram
Why are there a set of rules and regulations on feminism? Why can’t we just be allowed to be a feminist exactly as we are? The ways I dress or the music I listen to don’t make me a bad feminist any more than the attire or music anyone else partakes in. So what if I use “pretty privilege” to my advantage? You wanna compliment me AND pay for my drink? Sure, why the hell not.
It’s 2025. The entire point of feminism should be to fix what’s broken and turn it into something that works for everyone. The time for negative, backwards, set-in-stone views of feminism are over. No more regressing, no more closed-mindedness, no more nonsense. Wear what you want. Listen to what you want. Let a stranger buy your lunch or your drink (safely, of course). Those aren’t the determining factors for feminism, like at all. But the secret to being a “good feminist?” Staying true to yourself and your beliefs. That's the most feminist thing you can do.
Strike Out,
Kaya O’Rourke
Saint Augustine
Editor: Maya Kayyal & Jaden Rudd
Kaya O’Rourke is a writer for Strike Magazine, Saint Augustine. She’s a big fan of film and art houses, curating the perfect Spotify playlist for every occasion, and spending time with her BFFS (her mom and her cats). When she’s not updating her Letterboxd or working on her screenplay, you can reach her on Instagram at @kayaorourke.
