The Fallacy of “Right Person, Wrong Time”
Image courtesy: https://pin.it/5QB2UvI (left) & https://pin.it/18Gm8Y3 (right)
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve either been hurt or healed by the statement, “Right person, wrong time.” I have been both. After experiencing heartbreak recently, I’ve been reflecting on some universal truths. Things we just believe, yet won’t question.
Part of this is due to us not wanting to get our hopes up, or not wanting to be wrong. I think it’s also because it’s easy to take what feels right and reject what doesn’t. I’m totally a victim of this mentality. Heck, I even looked up what Mercury in retrograde meant to see if it could apply to my situation.
A few weeks ago, I parted with someone I never expected to lose. And in doing so, I lost myself (which is arguably worse). It honestly destroyed me.
It also made me think.
He told me that I was the perfect girl at an imperfect time. As much as I desire to believe that, I think it’s misleading too.
Timing is something imperative to every relationship, yet so many of us can’t seem to get it right: you see the love of your life at a concert but never catch his name, or maybe you’re in love with your best friend who’s already committed to someone else.
Right person, wrong time implies that at some distant time in the past or in the future, your relationship would’ve worked. But is that realistic? That last year or a year from now, all the impediments would have just dissolved?
Maybe the people we meet at the wrong time are just the wrong people. That’s not to say that they weren’t right at one point, perfect even. But timing shouldn’t make or break a relationship.
The fact of the matter is the right people are timeless.
Because if they aren’t right now, what makes us think they’d be right in different circumstances? If we can’t weather hardship now, what makes us think we would be able to in the past or in the future?
I’ve realized a few things that have made my healing easier:
It’s okay to not want something you worked so hard on getting— conditions change; you do too.
When someone judges you for your decisions, it’s about their own needs and limitations. It’s hard (for me especially) not to internalize that. But your worth is inherent. It’s not contingent on someone else's acceptance of you.
I’m a recovering people pleaser so this one I need to remind myself again and again.
And finally, the longer you postpone the inevitable, the further you push away what’s already yours. Life is a series of moments happening for you, not to you.
If none of this advice works for you, I recommend having your friends make a list of icks and act them out for you. Trust me, it works like a charm.
I hope this sisterly advice alleviates some of the pain. And you know what they say: there’s always a glow-up after a breakup. I guess I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
Strike out,
Gabriela Lefkovits
Editor: Kennedy Moran
Athens