The Beauty of Self-Respect and Divine Timing
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Oftentimes, I wonder what life would be like without the nagging tick nibbling at the corners of my mind, the countless endeavors and pursuits I’ve forced myself into, even when my gut told me otherwise. What if, in those moments, I had simply chosen myself? Trusted my intuition? If I had silenced the fleeting urge to extend maternal care and embraced selfishness, surrendering to a life of solitude and isolation?
It is one thing to hear someone say, “It is because you are an empath,” but it is another to be the person on the receiving end of those words, to bear that weight, to feel the exhaustion of giving endlessly, only to be met with depletion. At some point, the warmth of care curdles into frustration, disillusionment, and a festering grudge. And when giving leaves you with nothing in return, you do not just grow tired, you slip into apathy.
If I were to put a date to it, I would say that from November of 2023 to January 2025, I had been living in a state of pure apathy. Essentially, this means feeling so detached and uninterested in life, a numbness that seeps into your emotions and leads to disengagement from the world around you, especially from the things that once brought you purpose and joy. When life becomes overwhelming, or in my case, when there is a constant demand to be “on” all the time—to provide, to carry the weight of others' energies—this detachment settles in. Yes, you may be living, breathing, walking, and laughing through life, but pinpointing a single genuine moment of pure bliss in that time is difficult. This compulsion to please others, as Joan Didion puts it, is an illusion.
“We flatter ourselves by thinking this compulsion to please others is an attractive trait: a gift for imaginative empathy, evidence of our willingness to give. No expectation is too misplaced, no role too ludicrous. At the mercy of those we cannot help but hold in contempt, we play roles doomed to failure before they even begin, each defeat generating fresh despair at the urgency of divining and meeting the next demand made upon us.”
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Practicing self-respect is not arrogance, nor is it a ‘get out of jail free’ card for careless behavior. Rather, it is a quiet strength, a recognition of one’s own worth. The ability to stand firmly in your values, even when inconvenient, is an act of trust in yourself and in the divine timing of life. The ability to find peace amid uncertainty, even when time feels like it’s melting away releases the pressure to control every little detail of life. Sometimes, you are simply along for the ride.
Not every battle is yours to fight, and sometimes even your own battles aren’t worth a second glance. Shifting perspective into this philosophy transforms frustration into an act of seeking sanctuary in faith, an understanding that delays are not denials, but a redirection. Viewing missed opportunities as simply not meant for you right now allows what is to flow in naturally, without desperation, curating a life full of fulfillment.
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Letting go of the need for validation will release the need to control everything and make room for authentic joy that is not reliant on others. Though painful, there is beauty in experiencing apathy and disillusionment— the awakening that follows that feels as if someone crashed your ship onto the iceberg. The realization that you have been living a life that serves no purpose to you. How many times, even when faced with the devil himself, I still extended olive branches to those unworthy for my own desire to fill others’ cups?
There is beauty in the transformative power of engaging in self-respect and trusting in divine timing. To find strength from vulnerability and understand that growth often comes from some of your most difficult experiences. There is peace in realizing that by choosing yourself, you officially make space for good things to flow in. The beauty lies not in the perfect moments or smooth journeys but in the wisdom gained through the hardest of lessons, the quiet strength found in choosing yourself, and the trust that everything unfolds exactly when it is meant to.
Strike Out,
Jessica Giraldo
Saint Augustine
Editor: Maya Kayyal
College senior Jessica Giraldo is an English major with a concentration in Creative Writing and a minor in Digital Media Production and Journalism. She is the Editor-in-Chief of Strike Magazine STA and a member of Sigma Tau Delta, the national English Honor Society. She hopes to become a columnist or professor, using her experience in publishing and media to guide future writers and publications.
