The 21-Year Shift
Image Courtesy: Pinterest
In my twenty-one years of life, I have learned and had to relearn many things – especially in regards to beauty standards – like what I like, dislike, and what is truly representative of me. As my twenty-first birthday quickly approaches, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on where I started versus where I am now.
At a young age, my parents instilled in me that I could do anything I wanted to. My mom has always been super hard-headed and a strong-willed woman herself, so it was no shock that at the ripe age of a year old, I was already making my way through the world starting conversations and making my presence known. My parents love to remind me that I would say “Hi” to anyone I saw as soon as I started being able to speak, which would oftentimes frighten older kids and adults because they were shocked I could speak so clearly as a baby. I enjoy reminiscing on that period of my life a lot. I can’t actually remember it, but I like to think of myself as someone who wasn’t scared of making herself known, speaking up, and exuding confidence.
It may not have been very apparent from the outside, but as time passed, it felt as if I got quieter and shyer every year. I had the same friends since Kindergarten, and as we grew, I felt as if I knew less and less what to say or how to act around them. When I started middle school, I felt so awkward about what I was wearing, what I looked like, and how to act. This is not a rare feeling, but at the time it felt like I was the only one of my friends experiencing it.
With Brandy Melville being all the rage at the time, that was the standard of beauty that everyone in my friend group upheld. Tall, lean, blonde and tan were characteristics we all desired. I grew up in Southern California, so the blonde and tan characteristics were ones I was all too familiar with that I didn’t have. My hair is curly, dark and brunette, and seemingly always all over the place, and my skin was not as tan as some of the people around me at the time. I also was not very tall. To this day, I stand at a high five feet, five inches but at the time I probably stood around 5-foot-2 or 5-foot-3. I did not feel beautiful, at least by society's standards.
I was never the person who walked around bashing their own looks or making self-deprecating jokes. But, I definitely was the person who silently analyzed everyone trying to see where I would fall on the rank of prettiest people in the room. Looking back, it makes me so sad to think that I would live my life walking into rooms comparing myself to my peers and mentally tearing others down, all just to feel more comfortable in my own skin.
My middle school and high school years were combined, so I stayed on the same campus from seventh until 12th grade when I graduated. Whether this helped or hurt my feelings about myself, I will never know. But, I am happy to remember that by the time the beginning of high school rolled around, I embraced some of the aspects that made me different from my best friends. I discovered an interest in fashion, where I loved putting together outfits every day. I think part of me thought if I dressed cute, I could afford not having the same physical attributes that some of my friends had.
I felt myself conforming to the people around me, but I didn't realize it at the time. I joined the cheer team, straightened my hair, and did what I could to act like the girls around me who got attention from guys (which never worked out well for me). I was quiet, more reserved, and yet I would try to force myself to be outgoing. I was even a little obnoxious on occasion because it got attention. This was the first time in my life where I truly noticed and felt the whole “confidence is hot” thing but did not have it. As I continue to reflect on my high school years, I understand how this could sound like I strongly disliked myself; I didn’t. I just didn’t feel the most beautiful.
Towards the latter half of my high school career, things in my brain started to shift. I no longer desired to be the loudest person in the room, I cut my hair to a length I could manage, my skin cleared up (sort of, we are still kind of working on that one), and overall I just stopped overthinking. I still loved selecting my outfits every day, but I stopped wearing makeup to school and just enjoyed the comfort of my girlfriends. By the time I started applying to colleges and figuring out what I wanted my future to look like, I couldn’t have cared less what the boys in my grade thought about me. For the first time in my life, I realized that it did not matter. I know that as we get older, we come to realize that physical attributes don’t matter, and it’s about what’s on the inside that counts and blah blah blah, but part of that is bullshit. We all still care regardless if we want to or not, but I was content in knowing that I cared significantly less than I once did.
Once I got to college, that’s where a lot of the relearning had to happen. Why did I once feel this way? Who was telling me I should want to look a certain way? Why did I so strongly desire attention from the opposite sex? It’s not like I magically fixed my mindset during my senior year and came to college with no self-esteem issues, but I definitely felt better than I once did.
The new learning curve, however, was not conforming to the southern beauty standards around me. I’ve never dyed my hair, been into self-tanning or wearing athleisure, but suddenly I found myself considering all of the above. It’s not that I don’t like any of these things or think that other women shouldn’t do them. I simply had no actual desire besides seeing everyone around me doing it. It was honestly hard at first - getting some occasional funny looks for wearing jeans in August, being just a little bit paler than the people around me, and overall just not having the same fashion sense as a lot of the girls I thought I should want to be friends with. It was like a bad movie – the girl who moves from California to Georgia feels out of place in the “smaller town” atmosphere rather than her big city back home, but as years go by, I’ve found my people, my place on campus, and a sense of self I never used to have.
While the culture shock of moving across the country was difficult at first, I feel the most confident I have ever felt as I head into my 21st year. My curly hair is the longest it’s ever been, I am expanding on my sense of style, which scares me a little bit but also makes me so excited. While I no longer feel the need to be the loudest person in the room, I’m also not the quietest. It’s been a journey, to say the least, and while I definitely don’t go every day without criticizing some aspect of my physical attributes, I have learned to accept and love myself for them.
21 is still very young. Because self-love is a process, I do not doubt that there will be more ebbs and flows in the future. However, regardless of that, I love my life, and I am so grateful for the journey that has led me here. Beauty and fashion are so subjective, and I hope as time goes on we can all learn to accept that a little more. Here’s to 21 more years and growth that never stays stagnant!
Strike Out,
Writer: Haley Wolf
Editor: Gianna Rodriguez
Athens