Swimming Through the Waves of Grief: A Personal Essay on Navigating Loss

Image Courtesy: Graphic Design

Grief is a weird feeling. You hear of it, you know it exists, but you truly don’t understand it until one day you feel the earth under your feet slowly slipping away.

The first time I read The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion was November of 2021. Her memoir talks about the death of her husband while her daughter is fighting for her life in a coma. I hadn’t known grief yet and was blissfully unaware of the fact that a month later, my life would not be the same.

Roughly a month after reading Didion’s book, my grandfather passed away. From the moment I heard the news, I knew how different life would look from now on. He would never call to wish me good night or shriek with excitement whenever I’d accomplish even the bare minimum again. One thing I really struggled with initially was accepting the fact that there will be important moments in my life that my grandfather won’t be a part of.

Grief truly does come in waves. I wish it were linear because maybe it would be a lot easier knowing the pain would lessen day by day. Instead, grief is unpredictable. Sometimes I go through days without thinking too much about him, but other days it feels exhausting and almost unbearable. The way I deal with it is by thinking that there is still a part of him out there watching me.

It’s important for us to let ourselves acknowledge and feel this sadness in order to move on. On days when the wave of grief hits me, I teach myself to swim in the reminders that he is far away from the complexities of life and one day when the road ends, I’ll see him again. 

We find comfort in knowing that our loved ones are looking out for us and are in a better place. As Joan Didion wrote in her memoir, “we try to keep them alive in order to keep them with us,” because, truly, a part of them will always remain with us.

Strike Out,

Writer: Kaninika Dey

Editor: Annika Chaves

Graphic Design: Paige Yoskin