Stop Stalking Your Ex — They’re Not Thinking About You
Image Courtesy: Pinterest
I’ll admit it because I know that no one else will: I am a stalker. Well, I was, anyway. Of course, I do not mean this literally, but time and time again I’ve fallen into the trap of lurking through the social media accounts of people from my past — or, more specifically, my exes.
Coping with heartbreak and loss is no easy task, and in an age where almost all of us have a digital presence, it becomes all the more difficult. It is far too easy to hop onto Instagram, click on that search bar and start drawing a million conclusions from the results on the screen. When someone who once held such a paramount role in your life is suddenly gone, the urge to fill that void is frankly unavoidable. Hence, we look at recent posts, tagged photos and VSCO accounts to keep tabs on them. A lot of the time, or at least in my case, this ultimately does way more harm than good.
Is he happier without me? Is she dating someone new? Who is that girl he tagged in that picture? Among others, these questions enable a toxic spiral. The truth is, depending on the circumstances of the breakup, you will never really get an answer to these inquiries. We are all aware of the profile façade through which people advertise for themselves online, and this concept does not stop at beauty filters and forced smiles. He may look happier. She may be dating someone new. That girl could be his new girlfriend or hookup. But there is no use in seeking out information that you probably do not actually want (or need) to know. This only catalyzes futile comparisons and depressing thoughts, both of which hinder your ability to move forward.
The past is something that you will always carry with you — there is no denying that. It is also true that avoiding pictures of a person will not stop you from thinking about them altogether. However, in a time when so many things feel completely out of control, ending this addictive behavior is something that you can take into your own hands.
One of my best friends once told me that everytime I felt an urge to text my ex, I should just send the message to her. This advice was incredibly helpful, and a version of it applies here, too. Any time you are feeling the temptation to go see if they dropped a TikTok video or got a new feature on their suspected new partner’s VSCO, look to something else instead. There are countless self-help accounts that you can scroll through for positive affirmations and uplifting messages. This stops you from enabling the practices that keep you down, and it gives you essential reminders that you have probably been neglecting to practice or realize.
Lastly, adopt the mindset that they are not thinking about you. The odds of this one being true are slim, yes; they are definitely thinking about you to some extent. But, reinforcing the notion that they do not care to wonder or verify how you’re doing is incredibly powerful. This reinforcement definitely takes a great deal of time, but eventually you will recognize just how above all of it you are. He’s not thinking about you, she’s not worried for you, they couldn’t care less about your new internship or how hot you looked last weekend — tell yourself these things enough, and you just might begin to believe it. Because why would you ever want to put in the energy for someone who isn’t doing the same?
Accepting the ending of a relationship is incredibly challenging, but it is not impossible. Just do yourself a favor: stop playing mind games on your phone — stick to Wordle.
Strike Out,
Writer: Victoria Dominesey
Editors: Kimani Krienke, Natalie Daskal, Will Kennedy, Mary Clare Cameron
Writing Director: David Kramer
Blog Director: Helenna Xu
Notre Dame
