Stop Saying the ‘R’ Slur
Pictured: Me and my older brother, Daniel, having fun at the beach in Summer 2021
I shouldn’t even have to write this article; the fact that I do makes me sick to my stomach. It has come to my attention that this issue has resurfaced in our generation. It’s abysmal. It’s mind boggling, but it’s back once again.
There are things in life one simply can’t comprehend unless they experience it for themselves. Most people have that one thing that they’re all too familiar with; for me, it’s my connection and association with the Autism and special needs community.
My older brother was diagnosed with Autism at the age of two. I don’t remember how I found out he had Autism; I think I’ve always just known and it’s always been a part of my life. I’ve never seen him as a representation of his disability, only who he is as a person. His Autism doesn’t make him any less of a human being than anyone else, and to me he is just that: my incredible and inspiring older brother.
My brother is one of the smartest people I know. He graduated from high school and a vocational college for adults with intellectual disabilities with a certificate in food service. He can drive a car, he has a full-time job, and he pays for his own rent, insurance and luxury items, which is more than some people without special needs can do. You can name any day in existence, say October 5, 1975, and he’ll know what day of the week it was in seconds. Sunday. And he’s right every single time. He does things now that people once told my parents he’d never be able to do. They greatly underestimated him. People greatly underestimate people with intellectual abilities time and time again.
The R-Word, also known as the R-Slur, is a form of hate speech that remains prevalent throughout social media, popular movies and television shows, such as the critically-acclaimed show “Euphoria”, and a variety of other content. I have recently seen it resurface in popular media, which sets the precedent that it's an acceptable, “cool” word to use. For the record, it isn’t.
Although “mental retardation” was originally introduced as a medical term in 1961 for people with intellectual and mental disabilities according to the Special Olympics Association, it has since obtained a new meaning. We all know what that meaning is. I don’t even have to say it.
Pictured: Daniel getting ready for a very important job interview (he got the job!)
The word itself fosters and perpetuates further exclusion in our society. Its newfound meaning is a form of bullying and prejudice, yet some people are foolish enough to say it anyway.
The fact is that that word was never meant to mean “stupid”. It was never meant to mean “dumb”, or any word remotely related to those two. People altered its definition to reflect how they really feel about those with special needs. At least that’s what it seems like from my perspective.
It’s honestly laughable, because I just stated two alternative words instead of misusing the R-slur, so it’s unfathomable as to why people find it difficult to use a different word. Perhaps people are just inept at identifying synonyms correctly.
Well don’t worry, I’m here to help! For your convenience, here’s a compact and extensive list of words you can use instead of the R slur, or what everyone uses it for anyway. Let me make it very clear that these are not synonyms for the reality of the R-slur, but what it incorrectly connotes:
Stupid
Dumb
Foolish
Ignorant
Naive
Dense
Mindless
Senseless
Huge dumb loser
Short-sighted
Idiotic
Imbecile
Silly
Unintelligent
Futile
Dopey
Brainless
Dummy
Witless
See how easy that was? Now you have a whole list of words to add to your repertoire, so there’s no excuse for saying the R slur ever again! Plus, you’ll sound a lot more sophisticated using these words instead of a curse word rooted in hate speech.
I know I sound angry, sarcastic and spiteful, and that’s because, well, I am. When you grow up loving someone more than anything else in existence, and see others see them as nothing but the butt of a terrible joke, you get angry.
Pictured: Daniel treating me and my best friends to pizza over winter break
It’s also interesting, because all of those words that are synonyms for “stupid” or “dumb” don’t relate to people with special needs at all. They’re not stupid; they’re different. People sometimes hate people who are different, which is an upsetting reality.
I’ve talked to a lot of people about what this word’s connotation is. Some have felt immediate remorse and claimed they didn’t know how hurtful it is. Obviously that phenomenon is rooted in ignorance, but there’s a reason why people are ignorant about what the R slur means.
Throughout my life I’ve noticed that the special needs community repeatedly gets neglected. People get scared facing things they don’t know about, but the reality is that most people don’t take time to learn how to communicate and connect with those with intellectual disabilities, as they think it’s beyond their reach. They ignore it.
I did a business presentation in a class last semester about how to work and communicate with coworkers that have Autism and special needs. A plethora of people came up to me and told me how much they learned from my presentation and how their eyes opened to the importance of the topic. Although I felt gratitude that my presentation made a difference, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the massive naivety and lack of attention surrounding the subject. Again, you don’t really understand the velocity of something unless you experience it for yourself.
My brother was able to achieve all of those things because my parents never gave up on him. Despite what so-called “experts” and advisors told them, they saw his potential and pushed him to be an independent person despite his disability. I applaud them so much for that, because I’ve seen parents and family members of those with intellectual disabilities assume that all hope is lost. On the other side of the issue, I’ve seen amazing families challenge them and drastically uplift them in the process. The key ingredient is attention and commitment. It is awareness and acceptance.
Saying the R slur transports us back to a time of animosity and hostility. People also saying things like, “I think I have Autism” in a joking manner is also incredibly offensive. How can it be 2022 and some have the audacity to make fun of disabled persons? It just doesn’t make sense.
I one time heard a coworker use the R slur. I corrected him immediately. He said, “Well, my cousin has Autism so I can say it.” I shot back, “Yeah, well my brother has Autism and I still wouldn’t let that word leave my lips.” Those who are associated with people with disabilities don’t get to say it either. It isn’t some powerful “reclaiming” tactic. Not only are you making fun of your loved one, but it just makes it more acceptable to others.
But what was so great about that conversation was that he immediately apologized and saw my point of view. Me correcting him didn’t alter our friendship, and I think a lot of people get scared to stand up for what is right because they’re afraid to be the politically-correct nuisance in the room. But I’m not, and you shouldn’t either. You’re doing the right thing. You’re making the world a better place.
I could go on and on about this topic for pages and pages. The R slur is exclusive, derogatory, ignores individuality, offensive, incorrect, and just simply hate speech. If I haven’t convinced you to stop using that word by now, then you might need to do some self-reflection.
The fact is, the dehumanization, preemptive dismissal and mockery of those with special needs is rooted in that word. When you hate, it matters. When you make any joke about those with disabilities, it matters. But it matters more when you love. When we show these incredible people love and kindness, we offer them a better future.
Remove the word from your vocabulary. If you hear your friends or family using it, politely correct them. Your words can create a toxic environment, or a more compassionate, accepting world; use them wisely.
Strike Out,
Writer: Ellie Dover
Editor: Ridha Islam
Athens, Georgia