Small Towns: A prison for Creativity
Image Courtesy: Graphic Design
“Why do you look like that?” asks my brother with no malicious intent but sheer socialized confusion.
I’m pretty used to this reaction from various members of my small town in Pennsylvania. My entire life I have been referred to as "extra" or abnormal in my style and presentation. Once I came to school in Boston, I realized presenting the way you want is not only normal but self-actualizing. Regardless of my growth, every time I return to my small hometown I can't help but be sucked back into a mindset of “otherness.”A makeup look, consisting of nothing more than white eyeliner, would turn heads as if I had plastered a profanity across my forehead.
When did using makeup as a form of self-expression become a taboo? And why is unique self expression not considered “normal” in small towns?
I imagine the answer to the latter is that people are more comfortable with what is familiar. Anything outside of the box is a violation of their expectations, which often fosters negative reactions. In more urban settings, daily life is moving so fast that the average person doesn't have time to double take, let alone form an opinion on a stranger. The luxury of having the “time of day” is a double edged sword. On one side, you have the time and energy to invest in yourself to find out who you really are, but on the other hand, it comes with the price of others’ gossip and drama to mask their boredom.
What is even worse is how society likes to put down any activity dominated by women. A common trope of our patriarchal society is to devalue any role or activity coded as “feminine.” Beauty is to be for practical use only. If women take an expectation, and turn it into a passion, it becomes an issue.The only solution is to place importance on your own desires over everyone else’s.
My firsthand experience with this was in middle school when I would wear dresses, heels, and an over-the-top style daily. This attire came with a multitude of backhanded comments like, “Who are you trying to impress?” or, “I could never put that much effort into my appearance.” My familiarity with judgmental stares began here, but I had the protection of a naive ego to face the challenge.
“Home,” in my eyes, is the place where you feel comfortable being yourself. It has been a strange revelation for me to realize that Boston has become my home, whereas PA is just a place I visit from time to time. The place that once defined my identity is now only a fleeting thought in my mind. Outgrowing your childhood town is a melancholic experience but almost inevitable for anyone starting to experience independence. I had reservations about returning, struggling with who I would be and how I would have to act to fit in. After an eye-opening conversation with my roommate, I have decided to return with the confidence of my middle- school self and a newfound appreciation for my “otherness.”
“Go back and show everyone who you are. Bring the Boston baddie to Pennsylvania,”
– Annika Chaves.
Strike Out,
Writer: Paige Yoskin
Editor: Annika Chaves
Graphic Design: Mishel Chen
Boston
