Skip the Messy College Breakup and Follow These 3 Tips Instead

Young love consumes your mind. Walking into the unknown world of relationships gives you a rush of exhilarating feelings, and purity and naivety. Not everyone is lucky enough to experience love during their youth, but many people do. In high school, parents will always tell you that it's fake or won't last. They may even say, "There's life past your high school fling." However, they are likely being harsh because they know firsthand that heartbreak is brutal and ending a good relationship is hard. I spent my first year of college with a high school boyfriend. He is my first love and will always have a special place in my heart. But, after a year of long distance in college, I realized that the relationship was preventing me from exploring what else was out there. It was hard to try new things, get out of my comfort zone, and move forward with life…hence why I decided it was best for me not to continue the relationship. If you never see your friends or don't seek to meet others, that could be a sign that you're in the same boat. Honestly, I wasn't able to see past our love. How could I move on from someone I've spent so much time with and grown to be so attached to? I still haven't, but it gets better every day. I've learned how to deal with it, and I feel okay with my decision.

 With it being back to school, many college students, especially college freshmen, are dealing with the same problem: deciding against long distances, despite being fully obsessed with their partner.  Breaking up for college certainly comes with challenges, although my experience has been okay. I've witnessed firsthand some ugly long-distance breakups. Here are three tips that have worked for me thus far to ensure a non-toxic breakup in college:

Don't ask, don't tell.

I know it sounds sneaky—but it's not. You and your ex should be mature enough to realize that you do not "own" each other. It's an odd adjustment going from only having each other, but with that maturity comes the acceptance that you both will meet new people and may even find others to be intimate with. It can be sickening to think about, but that is why it's so important to stay in your lane and not ask the questions you don't want the answer to. "Have you been with anyone else?" --- do yourself a favor and don't even think about asking that. On the other hand, your ex probably feels the same way, and you shouldn't feel obligated to share what you've been doing. It's no longer your responsibility to share every detail of your personal life. 

Post for you, not to upset your ex

We're all guilty of posting things sometimes out of spite or to make a specific person jealous. If that's the method you use to move on, there's no shot at maintaining a cordial friendship with your ex. It is simple: don't upload pictures or videos with other people to hurt your ex. If you end on good terms, it's difficult for me to understand why you want to make the other upset and jealous. Claire McRitchie, a psychodynamic therapist, shared with Teen Vogue that this kind of behavior is a form of self-protection and control, regardless of whether the individual knows it or not. BTW, posting content to make an ex jealous also makes you look incredibly petty. 

Control your crazy

POV: you made the right decision for yourself and your ex so that you can experience new things in college, yet you are a hot mess inside. That's okay. It is warranted to feel devastated that you're no longer together. I'm no expert, but I want to say that it's also somewhat normal to be envious and feel resentment. You learn something new about these feelings each day. But, keep this resentment or "crazy thoughts" you may be having to yourself. If you act on these feelings, you will portray yourself as a wild animal on the loose. Mourning your relationship takes time and has plenty of bumps along the way, but keep that wound bandaged unless you're in private or surrounded by trusting friends. Everyone and their mom do not need to see your weak side. 

This is a new adventure, and it's expected to have rollercoasters of emotions even though you willingly ended the relationship for the good of one another. No matter what, you still loved each other, and now all that's left to do is work on yourself and turn to the next chapter of your life–college–a truly thrilling chapter. 

Strike out,

Lili Jahromi

Boca Raton 

Lili Jahromi is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. She spends an unnecessary amount of her time idolizing Lady Gaga, sharing intimate moments with her friends, and beachin’ it with her b*tches. You can reach her at jahromilrose@yahoo.com