Selfishly Dressed
I pull up the leggings as they slide over my legs and hips. I’m getting used to the fact that these hips of mine will now be in the way for the rest of my life. Not to mention, they will never stop changing and growing. As I slide the black, cotton material that was seriously overpriced at $45, I see the cellulite ripple under the fabric — I need to hide this. I don’t want anyone to see this part of my body, nor do I want anyone to know that my body is beginning to look like this. How do you come to terms with a changing body and dressing for your interests?
It didn’t start easy. First, I started with whatever was trendy at the time. Baggy shirts, Ugg Boots, infinity scarves- I had it all. Not that I necessarily enjoyed wearing these types of clothing, but it made me feel invisible to the judging eyes that I thought cascaded over my body every time I stepped out of the house. As if cameras were flashing the moment I stepped out of the house (girl, don’t get ahead of yourself). I assumed these painful fashion trends would help blend me in with everyone else who wanted to fit in; after all, if I didn’t look different, then who would be able to judge me? I continued to buy the obnoxiously white Nike shoes and clean them with bleach every. single. night to camouflage myself from looking at anything but what the status quo wanted me to present myself as. I was ready to buy and commodify to feel like I was a part of something that didn’t make a difference at the end of the day.
The process of aging doesn’t stop, nor does your changing body. My hips started to round off and my chest wasn’t so flat anymore. I bought my first bra in the Target section, but in the kid’s area, so nothing fit quite right. I remember the blood rushing to my cheeks as my mom picked up the most plain and basic white cotton bra. “Cute!” Mom shouted in front of the five people who were also shopping for bras. I was embarrassed- I had seen the commercials of the beautiful and so-not-retouched Victoria's Secret Models flailing their limbs around the camera as they made it look like the lace in their armpits and crotch didn’t itch a single bit. Even as a 12-year-old, I now wanted to fit in with the sexualized world of fashion. Did I truly know what it meant to have a full set of lingerie at that age? Absolutely not. However, I was being conditioned at that very moment to think that the way I dressed, whether people could see what was under or not, would make me more likable. As a young girl, I desperately wanted the acceptance of everyone I encountered. I was growing, insecure, and wanted to feel as if my efforts to look a certain way were paying off.
Sometimes I sit down in my seat in class and notice the cellulite that accumulates on the bottom of my thighs. Sometimes I can see the extra layer of fat that is placed around the bottom of my stomach to protect my ovaries, but others will call it a “pooch.” Here’s the difference between sliding up those leggings to hide that cellulite and now- I don’t really care to hide it. Here’s what I would like to leave you with: dress selfishly. Don’t be concerned about any of the stares you think you might get as a result of dressing how you like. You don’t have to wear whatever is trendy in order to feel secure in your self-worth. If you like wearing whatever most people like to wear, that’s fine too, but the point is that you should never feel obligated to wear something that hides what you want to show off as your own person. Throw on that $5 thrifted skirt and slap on some of those daring colors from that new eyeshadow pallet. Your body is meant to be celebrated and taken care of. Dressing selfishly allows you to show the parts of yourself that can be a little weird at first, but then you begin to accentuate those parts because of how important they are in the first place. You are worth more than rubies, my dear friend.
Strike Out.
Writer: Katherine Stegall
Editor: Sarah Singleton
Chattanooga
