No, I Don’t Want Kids, and I am Tired of Explaining Myself
“I know what I’m going to name my second daughter,” said one of my friends in a harmless conversation back in middle school. “I have a whole list of possible names; I’ve been working on it since I was a kid,” she said, smiling proudly.
“What’s your baby's name?” she asked, turning to me.
I froze. I had never given any thought to it. I never made a running list of names curated perfectly for my future boy or girl because I didn’t think there would be a future boy or girl.
When I played with dolls, they were Barbies and Bratz, who were doctors and lawyers and popstars who drove sports cars and rode horses and had hundreds of shoes. Sure, I had a baby doll or two, but I never wanted to “play mommy,” and I can’t remember playing with baby dolls past a very, very young age.
I was never a consistent babysitter, only having a handful of babysitting jobs under my belt by the time I graduated high school. I spent a summer as a nanny because the money was better than any other job I could find, but I won’t lie; I think those kids despised me by the time summer came to an end.
I’ve never desired to be a mom. I never fantasized about staying home and taking care of babies. I certainly haven’t picked out any baby names or set timeline goals for my hypothetical pregnancy.
And when I say out loud that I don’t want kids, I get looks like I have three heads.
“What do you mean you don't want kids?”
“Oh, you’ll change your mind someday…”
“Being a mother is a gift!”
Years have passed since my friend first asked me what my future baby's name is, and guess what? I still haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want kids, and I'm tired of having to explain that.
Women are more than mothers. We are more than caretakers, more than nurses and babysitters, teachers, and stay-at-home moms. We are our own people, with our own dreams and goals in life. I do not say this in a way to belittle mothers or those who choose to become parents; to be a parent is to sacrifice your life for someone else. But not everyone should be a parent.
Parenting takes incredible patience, understanding, empathy, knowledge, innovation, and creativity. Qualities that not everyone has. Just because my body can produce a child doesn’t mean that I should have one. If I feel that I am financially, emotionally, or physically unable to support another life, I shouldn’t bring one into the world. Being a parent isn’t like owning a dog or a cat; it is a lifelong commitment to be solely responsible for another life and building their foundation in this world. You mess it up or do it wrong, and that child will carry it with them for their entire life.
Not only is parenting taking responsibility for another life, but it also changes yours completely. Your career, routine, and relationships will all change if you decide to become a parent. Being a parent is a full-time job to begin with, and I simply can’t imagine spending my lifetime trying to balance my career with being a mother. Your routine will have to change to adapt to the needs of your kids over yourself, and your close relationships will inevitably change due to the lifestyle parents have.
I haven’t even brought up the cost of having children, which is another huge factor in this decision. With the costs of raising a child from birth to age 18 averaging at about $312,000 (not including college or education costs), it’s no secret why this is something I don’t want to do.
With the wave of pro-family, right-wing ideals circling the United States right now, like strict abortion bans and pushing traditional Christian, nuclear-family values, it’s no wonder so many are having children just because they feel like they have to, or because they feel that it will fix their marriage or make them happier. It should also come as no surprise that the right-wing men who are creating and passing anti-choice legislation want children more than their female counterparts. According to a 2023 Pew Research Study, 57% of young men (age 18-34) say they want kids compared to only 45% of young women. It is very telling that men – who do not carry, labor, or feed a child – are the ones idolizing the idea of creating a family.
With the rise of vloggers and social media, the real side of motherhood is shown every day. Women flood my For You page in tears because their baby won't sleep, or they have a clogged milk duct, or their feet are so swollen they can’t fit into ANY shoes. The exhaustion, the post-partum depression, and the unexpected and permanent changes your body will go through are now all out in the open for young adults to see. I think it’s time we take a deeper look into those who are showing the real side of parenting and what it really takes before we think about starting a family or judging those who do not want one. It really is not for everyone and anyone, and I, for one, am sick of being held to the expectation I will someday have a child simply because I am a woman.
Strike Out,
Haley Dockendorff
Boca Raton
Haley Dockendorff is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. Loud and proud, this Virgo loves writing just about anything that will cause a bit of commotion. If you can’t find her, she’s probably somewhere on a beach with a camera in hand.
