My thoughts written on a post-it note
Image Courtesy: SCAD House
Where will I end up? What am I supposed to be doing? Just when I think I’m ahead in my life, I look around and see success happening so much faster. It’s like a race I can’t catch up in, a story that never reaches its climax. Comparison is my greatest weakness; it takes away the self-worth I thought I had. I’m being told “trust the process” and then I’ll end up doing something that makes me happy, but what if I never find that?
I need to understand that wherever I end up I will be happy.
Why do I want to feel wanted all the time? Whether we like it or not, everyone wants to feel loved. It’s okay to feel wanted, it’s one of the qualities I like most about myself. I need to know that my loved ones always feel wanted by me. Sometimes I go beyond wanting to feel wanted by the ones closest to me; I catch myself wanting to feel wanted by those who do not know me. This is where it becomes unhealthy, but I know I’m not alone in this.
I need to understand that what is important is that I make my loved ones feel wanted and vice versa.
Is now the best time of my life? Dancing with my friends at the best party I’ve been to or watching a rom-com with my roommates in our eccentrically-decorated living room, I ponder if I should know in the moment if that moment is the best of my life. Did the best time of my life already happen? Or am I currently in it… or will it happen five years down the road?
I need to understand that my life isn’t perfect, but so far each phase of it has been the best in their own ways.
Am I doing enough? College students can never work hard enough, not until they get their dream jobs. That is the mindset I’ve been forced into and it is draining. Why do I see others finding success more than I? Am I comparing myself to them too often, or am I just not as talented? Am I not as good, or is it the dynamic of being a Hispanic woman in an industry of white voices? My dad tells me I can only control what I do for myself, so there has to be change from both sides.
I need to understand that I am doing enough, and I’m proud of myself.
Am I a good person? I guess this is the most important question of them all. Through all this stress and anxiety, am I a good person? I do my best to put aside any upsetting feelings I have when I spend time with my loved ones, but I hope I am important to them because they feel supported by me. I hope the strangers I pass on campus see my friendly grin and understand that it is a genuine act of acknowledgment. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by the most down-to-earth people.
I need to understand that I am a good person that deserves to be treated kindly to.
Whatever thoughts you have written in a journal or on a scrap piece of paper, they’re valuable, and you are too.
Strike Out,
Writer: Gianna Rodriguez
Editor: Ridha Islam
Athens, Georgia