My Relationship with Femininity from Adolescence to Adulthood
Image Courtesy: NBC News
Tomboys are spirited young girls who don’t conform to societal norms and prefer activities considered to be ‘masculine.’ She is headstrong and impulsive and often holds open contempt for overtly feminine things. While the word itself doesn’t have a negative connotation, the stereotype can be very harmful to girls as they mature and develop their sense of self.
Growing up, I was considered a tomboy. It was a label worn with pride and confidence, and I found myself going out of my way to fit that mold and avoid anything feminine in the slightest. I loved to climb trees, play in the creek, and kick soccer balls around, but there were other interests I felt the need to hide. I would join the young boys in mocking ‘girly girls’ who wore bows to class and had bedazzled backpacks. Anyone who didn’t like sports was a ‘sissy.’ But then, I would go home from practice and dress up Barbies. I would try on my mom’s necklaces and feel a misplaced sense of guilt.
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Around middle school, my girlfriends began to shave their legs and wear mascara to school. They wore push-up bras and skirts, and I found that I no longer wanted to mock them – in fact, I kind of wanted to join them. They had curves and looked pretty, much prettier than me. But at the same time, I felt that there was a reputation to uphold, the seven-year-old version of myself was always in the back of my mind, hating me for even thinking about it.
Then high school came around, and the tomboy stereotype flipped on its head. Now, the girly girls were desirable, the sporty ones (especially softball players) were called derogatory names. I started shaving my legs and tried out makeup for the first time. While I never went so far as to wear a dress to school, I let my hair down from its tight ponytail and let it fall around my face. But I would still only dress athletically, complaining loudly for all to hear when I was made to wear skirts or dresses to an event. I remember being highly upset when our track shirts were pink, saying it was “the lamest color imaginable.” I never really thought that.
Image Courtesy: The New York Times
The greatest turning point in my own femininity came when I went to college. During freshman year, I still dressed in Nike shorts and baggy t-shirts every day and resisted the itch to try more adventurous styles that I saw. And then came the life-changing revelation that nobody cares. There were no cliques, I wasn’t on a sports team. There were cool sporty girls and cool girly girls all living in harmony together. It was a huge weight lifted off of me; I could finally (if gradually) look how I wanted to and express myself as a woman without fear of judgment.
I still love to be outdoors, explore, make crude jokes, and be messy. But I no longer restricted myself from any things or experiences based on the assigned gender implications they may carry. Society is against boys and girls being authentically themselves; we see this every day with binary restrictions. The time is long overdue for young girls to learn that they can be who they choose, that it is not better to be into blue than pink, that you can like sports or art, dogs or cats, that nothing can take away one’s own identity.
Girls shouldn’t have to choose!
Strike Out,
Writer: Elissa Day
Editor: Breanna Tang
Tallahassee