Losing Friends is not a bad thing

Moving away from home for college may be the first time that you are away from the people you typically see on a daily basis. It may be the first time you identify yourself by not your social connections, but by who you are. You may begin navigating what it means to have a long-distance friendship for the first time. While many say “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” that distance can be what brings you closer to yourself. 

As everyone moves off to college, they begin to change. Someone you may have known your whole life seems to change in front of your eyes. Their phone calls may become shorter, their tone more unfamiliar. They become influenced by the people around them and with that you see shifts in their personalities. For any person, this can be extremely distressing while beginning a new chapter of their life. When starting anything new, it can be nice to know that you always will have the people from your past in your life. Friends can be your lifeline in a time where you are unable to remember your roots and what you love. Alternatively, when a friend begins to feel less and less like the home they once were to you, you can feel like you are losing a part of yourself in the process.

Image Courtesy: Strike Magazine Chattanooga

Personally, I have gone through this situation many times with many different friends. I moved away for college, and I became a very different person freshman year. I had trouble discovering who I really was, and it felt as though I was trying different personalities to see which one was the real me. Being on the other side of this situation, I know my friends from home must have felt as though they talked to a stranger sometimes on the phone, and truthfully, they were. I was changing from a young, dependent girl into the woman I am today. This change was essential for me. 

Even through my changes, it remained grounding to talk to my friends from home. They reminded me of the person I was and the aspects about myself that I loved. Yet through being apart from them, I also recognized parts of myself that I aimed to shed. Seeing a reflection of specific parts of yourself within other people can be exactly what you need to prepare yourself to move forward.

Here is my advice to you: everyone is trying on new sweaters of themselves, including you. Maybe you or they are being influenced by a club or sorority and act like those around them. Either the change will fit or it will not. What you have to decide for yourself is whether you will grow with this change as well. For your friends, it can be exhausting trying to keep up with a changing person, so be patient as they are changing. See their changes through and do not run at the first sign of difference. They too are learning how to navigate the world.

Then if they seem as a completely different person to you, treat them as such. Treat them as though you are meeting a new person for the first time. Ask yourself, “Can our new versions still get along?” If the answer is no, it does not mean you should be disheartened. All this means is that you have evolved in a different direction. You can still value the time and experiences you once shared. 

Instead of constantly looking back or trying to fit yourself in with someone who does not serve a purpose in your life anymore, you can move forward and continue to evolve. I still have respect and love for the people who I have outgrown. A part of adulthood is the conscious choice to surround yourself with people who love and support you. As seasons pass and you bloom, don’t hold onto winter just because it was where you found warmth. 

Strike Out,

Writer: AK Anderson

Edited by: Sarah Singleton

Graphic Designer: Rook Tilley