How to Prepare Yourself for ‘Red (Taylor’s Version)’

Image Courtesy: Nerdsandbeyond

Here, I offer some tips to prepare your mind, body, and soul for Taylor’s version of Red, the Grammy-award-winning 2012 album. I insist that you disregard the fact that the album did not actually win a single Grammy because it did in the fantasy world I created in my mind where everything is right and just, okay? The following pointers should fortify you for what you are about to experience. 

1. Prepare your listening space the way Taylor would. That means, of course, red wine, autumn-leaf-scented candles, and lots of tissues—for the inevitable. Get comfy. This is the long haul. 

2. Accept the fact that you are going to want to call your ex. I know every other article you read on the subject and girlfriend whose advice you solicit will tell you not to call your ex. But, as I rarely err on the side of caution and am prone to encouraging heartbreaking acts of self-punishment (I like to have fun), I am not going to do that. I simply want to remind you that you will want to call your ex, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sit in your chair by the window and think long and hard about whether or not you will pick up your phone and type in that special name, and click the ‘call’ button. Taylor almost did.

Image Courtesy: The Village Voice

3. Burn any and all Jake Gyllenhall-related paraphernalia in your home. His energy is not wanted here. Maybe if he were a better man…but I digress.

4. Whip up some maple lattes. Yeah, yeah, Taylor is teaming up with Starbucks to advertise her favorite order, a nonfat caramel latte, but, frankly, that does not align with the Taylor-verse the way it should. ‘Maple latte’ was the secret message hidden in the liner notes of Taylor’s quintessential Track 5 All Too Well, so maple lattes are what you should stick to. 

5. Step into your best 2012 hipster self for 22. Gather your friends and don Keds, high-waisted jean shorts, even cat ears. There’s no need to be ashamed. It was a moment.

Image Courtesy: NYLON

6. Know that if you ever listen to the original version of Red again, there will be a curse set upon you and your family line until the end of time. 

7. Choose a romantic comedy of your liking and queue it up. You’ve just been through a lot. You’ve heard the ten-minute version of All Too Well. You’ve experienced things that have most likely maimed your heart—you are going to need some warm, autumnal love in the form of When Harry Met Sally, and you should give yourself that. 

I hope this helps you on your journey. There’s not much we can do to save ourselves from the pain that the re-recording of this album will dredge up, but that pain comes with a lot of joy, too. Happy listening, happy crying, and always remember that no matter the hurt you suffer in the ruthless game of love, you can always begin again. 

Listen to Red (Taylor’s Version) here!

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Strike out, 

Writer: Roxy Rico

Editors: Karina McCarthy & Lexi Fernandez

Graphics: Alison MacCloud

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