How Music Saved Me From Myself
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There's always a moment in the middle of the day when I feel the gnawing itch of anxiety that creeps up on me; the itch is always there, but there comes a point where it becomes the center of my attention. I put on my headphones to drown everything out. I start to hear the background vocals. I pay attention to the beats and inner workings of the song as I let myself finally release the breath that I feel like I’ve been holding in for years. I can relax and not pay attention to the infinite loop of constant thoughts going through my head; everything quiets down a bit. That's what music does for me. When my mind is running rampant and it seems like there is no end to the self-doubt, I put on an album or song that I can relate to, and I know that it will bring me back to myself. There are certain songs that we attach to memories or certain feelings of nostalgia, and these associated emotions help pull me back into the moment rather than becoming consumed by what’s happening in my mind. Our different states of mind can relate us to the different phases of music that we go through in time similar to a time capsule. These mini time guide my thoughts back on track.
This brings me to how music can save you from loneliness in the way that it saved me. Loneliness is a very isolating feeling; you've probably heard people say that even in a room full of people, you can still feel lonely. When you don’t have anyone to relate to or you feel that you can’t open up, this feeling of loneliness follows you around, resembling a pest that refuses to go away no matter how many times you kill it. In the past, I’ve dealt with feeling the need to compare myself and that I was never enough. I look back on this time as isolating because I felt that I couldn’t go to anyone with these emotions.
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So, I turned to my Spotify playlists. When I listened to Mac Miller’s album, Swimming, it gave me a sense that someone understood. The lyrics of the songs made the heavy feeling in me feel seen. The first track "Come Back to Earth", begins with the words “My regrets look like texts I shouldn’t send.” Hearing this, I realized that I wasn’t the only person keeping things to myself. It made me realize how we compare our internal being to other people's external, filtered selves. Music breaks down this filter, causing a catalyst of self-reflection within a person.
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These catalysts lead to how music gave me this sense of community. When I found artists I loved, there was always a community that also followed. Whether the singer is popular or not, the people that come along with liking an artist make a difference we all can connect to the message the music is sending. This also brings in a sense of understanding, because there is a multitude of people tuning in to hear this music. As a former dancer, music brings me a lot of tranquility and connection. When I listen to a song, I hear the intention of the rhythm and I translate it into a movement—especially when I’m alone in my room and there isn’t any pressure to look or dance a certain way. I just see where the beats take me as a way to release and stop holding everything in. With each movement that corresponds with a lyric, I’m able to feel less constrained.
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Another song that helped me feel more connected to myself was "Good Days" by SZA. After paying attention to the lyrics, I started to really go into depth specifically, when she sings, "Half of us layin’ waste to our youth, it's in the present…Half of us chasin’ fountains of youth and it's in the present now." This gave me an understanding and made me feel okay that I don’t have to have everything figured out all at once and to let myself experience events in the present, rather than worrying about what’s ahead. This gives focus on my current feelings and how I am at the present moment. Music can have a significant impact on how we go through life and the way that we perceive our own experiences.
Strike Out,
Writer: Emily Montarroyos
Editor: Jayna O
Tallahassee