How a Book About a Rock ‘n’ Roll Groupie Changed My Life

Pamela Des Barres with Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin

Image Courtesy: The Guardian

I have been obsessed with rock ‘n’ roll since the seventh grade. The white rabbit of divine inspiration visited me one day in the middle school courtyard, beckoning me to follow the music. Come and find yourself. Down the rock ‘n’ roll rabbit hole I went, and here I shall remain ‘til the rest of my days. 

I am constantly discovering new things within this vast genre. Although endlessly abundant, the music is just the tip of the iceberg. Music, like all art, carries stories. Each song is the product of lives lived to the fullest, unrestrained by social norms or regard for others’ opinions.

The legends of rock ‘n’ roll are well-documented if you know where to look. I stumbled upon one realm of the rabbit hole while scrolling through Pinterest, of all places. Freshly re-inspired by the movie Almost Famous, I was knee-deep in searches such as “70s fashion” and “rock n roll aesthetic.” The deeper I went, the more I saw the same radiant smile in photo after photo, standing beside icons like Jimmy Page and George Harrison. This glowing smile was none other than the legendary Pamela Des Barres, the woman who would change my life (and who inspired Kate Hudson’s portrayal of Penny Lane).

Pamela Des Barres with Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin

Image Courtesy: Pinterest

Who is she? I thought to myself, scrolling through the endless articles on “rock n roll’s most famous groupie.” Did she really date all these rock stars? How did she do it? Absolutely hooked on the lore of “miss groupie supreme,” I purchased her book, I’m With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie, and read every word in three days. By the time I reached the end, I was sobbing tears of joy, my heart chakra wide open. 

Pamela Des Barres (then known as Pamela Miller) was a young, free-spirited, rock ‘n’ roll-loving party girl in the 1960s and 70s. She was a member of Frank Zappa’s experimental girl group, The GTOs (Girls Together Outrageously), where she came to be known as Miss Pamela. Through the L.A. music scene of her day, she became acquainted with a wide variety of colorful characters – the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, the Jimi Hendrix Experience, and many more. I’m With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie is a deep dive into a period of her life in which she, too, followed the white rabbit down the rock ‘n’ roll rabbit hole.

Pamela with the GTOs

Image Courtesy: Miss Mercy GTO

I’m With the Band is far from a cut-and-dry retelling of events. Des Barres’ memoir changed my life because of the way she tells her story.

Lesson 1: Nothing Wrong with a Bleeding Heart

From the first sentence, Miss Pamela’s heart bleeds all over the pages. She is unapologetically sensitive, putting all her precious hope and love into each new relationship, unafraid of the pain and heartbreak that follow time and time again. 

I’ve struggled with this all my life, feeling uncool for the follies of my Piscean emotional depth. I’ve built a wall around my emotions, believing my sensitivity to be a weakness rather than a strength. I thought I had to separate my ambition and creativity from the “messy” sides of myself, those that get attached too easily and romanticize everyone I meet. But Miss Pamela proved me otherwise. Her stories of lamenting a breakup in a pool of tears one minute – then rebounding with Mick Jagger the next – made me giggle as I wiped my empathetic tears. She was never afraid to be “messy” with her emotions, never afraid to show people she cared, and never afraid to dive head-first into life and experience it in all its chaotic glory. There is something so special about living life that way – not letting a jaded and messed-up world dull your authenticity. I feel my emotions deeply, and now I am encouraged to feel them proudly, too.

Miss Pamela with fellow GTO Miss Pandora and George Harrison of the Beatles

Image Courtesy: Miss Pandora

Lesson 2: Even Legends are Just Human

I’m With the Band also gave me crazy new insight into the real lives of rock legends. Cemented in history for their extraordinary music and lifestyles, people often forget that rock stars are just as human as the rest of us. Miss Pamela’s involvements with the likes of Jim Morrison and Keith Moon give her a unique position to portray these people as just what they are — people. Throughout the memoir, her less-than-glamorous tales of mental instability, drug addiction, and infidelity highlight the flaws of often-romanticized celebrities. I’m With the Band isn’t the typical story of legendary rockers doing legendary things; it’s the story of legendary rockers doing silly, messed-up, human things. 

Seeing historical figures portrayed this way prompts us to think about the celebrities we venerate today. While mass media like magazines and “stan Twitter” can make celebrities feel untouchable, it’s important to remember that musicians and actors are human beings with flaws, personal lives, and feelings – just like the rest of us. Putting celebrities on a pedestal is harmful to mass perception of normalcy, giving non-famous audiences the impression that morality. Again, these people are human beings; nobody has a perfect life, and nobody should be an example of morality for the whole world. Seeing the humanity in everyone – regardless of occupational status – makes us all more empathetic and realistic about the society we live in. 

Pamela Des Barres, wonderfully weird

Image Courtesy: We Heart It

Lesson 3: Embrace the Weirdness!

Perhaps my greatest takeaway from I’m With the Band is this: Everyone. Is. Weird. Everyone! The sexiest, most famous, legendary rock stars in history – and the groupies who held their affection – are the rule, not the exception. The most worshipped and successful people in pop culture are nine times out of ten, some of the weirdest people on the planet. It makes sense, doesn’t it? If we were inspired by normalcy, every regular Joe on FSU’s campus would be famous! The allure of rock ‘n’ roll is the boldness to think, feel, and live outside the box. It is a genre designed to challenge social norms. The wacky, wild, WTF-is-that energy is the core of the music and lifestyle, the spirit of rock ‘n’ roll. And deep within us, we all have it. It’s just a matter of letting the freak flag fly. 

Image Courtesy: Strike Magazine Tallahassee

As someone who has struggled with fitting in and feeling like a weirdo my whole life, Pamela Des Barres – and all the colorful characters featured in I’m With the Band – show me that I’m not alone. My sensitivity, creativity, boldness, and spunk are not things to be repressed, but things to express with unabashed pride. There is unlimited power in embracing the weird!!! 

I’m With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie changed my life for the better. Pamela Des Barres inspires me to be my most authentic self and live the life of my wildest dreams unapologetically. I am forever grateful for her and her rockin’ memoir. 

Strike Out,

Writer: Cristina Angee

Editor: Addy Crosby

Graphic Designer: Sydney Barrow

Tallahassee