Hard to get Used to Be Cool
You get a new match on Tinder, add each other on Snapchat, and then you start talking, only to find that they reply to you once every day. They’re playing hard to get. You find that you’re just waiting for the next text from them and trying not to answer too quickly in fear of them figuring out that you’re actually interested in them. Is this how it always goes? Does anything ever come of this? Today’s dating world revolves around Snapchat, various dating apps, and game playing. Emphasis on the game-playing. Isn’t it weird that the less interest someone shows in you, the more you like them?
It all starts with desirability. In general, we know that interest stems from desirability. You have to have a desire for something to be interested in it. This is exactly how it works with dating. The more you desire someone, the more interested you become in them. The reason we play hard to get is because it may increase our desirability. It’s like supply and demand. Harry Reis, a psychology professor at Rochester University, says, “Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand—we call that having higher mate value.” As true and scientific as this may be, it doesn’t work every time.
Playing hard to get is a slippery slope. Some of us kick off relationships by playing hard to get, but then we don’t know when the right time is to stop. We might think it’s working, but in reality, a lot of mixed signals get involved and we may end up looking like a total a*s who just doesn’t even care about the other person’s feelings. Leading them on with no intention of actually going anywhere with the relationship because we’re not sure if we are allowed to have feelings or if we should be playing hard to get. Before you realize it, the person that you never told you had real feelings for has lost interest in your games and slipped away. Thus, presenting the problem with modern dating. It’s as if having real feelings is against the rules of today’s dating world.
It gets worse once you pair it with the current dating culture. Dating apps have taken the world by storm. First it was eHarmony and Match.com, now it’s Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and even Coffee Meets Bagel. Each one tries to incorporate something different in order for people to up their match-to-real-life date ratio, but it’s not really working. There seems to be a formula to it. You match with someone, hit them with a clever pick-up line, wait however long it takes for a reply, then you wait at least equally as long to answer, and so on and so forth. The longer this cycle of making no progress goes on, the less interested and more distant the two of you become. Everyone is playing hard to get and no one is going on dates. Instead, maybe we should try being honest, telling someone you’re interested or that you would like to get to know them. Why are we so afraid of that? Let’s get past the games and have real conversations and real feelings for real people.
Strike Out,
Ryan Manney
Boca Raton
Ryan Manney is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. His hobbies amount to surfing, skating, writing, reading, and everything music. When he isn’t surfing, he loves watching and/or playing live music. He also likes to wear cool clothes! You can reach him on instagram @ryanmanney or email @ r.manney3@gmail.com