Go Back Until You Hate Them
You were together, you were happy. It was easy, it was fun, you were in love𑁋and then, you broke up. It sucked, you cried, you were hurt, you were angry. Not long after, you missed them; you yearned for them, and you did everything in your power to stop yourself from calling them. And one inevitable day, you saw them.
You knew it would happen eventually; it was unavoidable. A town tends to get small when you’re avoiding an ex.
But when you saw them, you forgot about the reasons you weren’t together and couldn’t help but think about the wonderful things you saw in them at the beginning. It was effortless; the conversation flowed, the flirtation emerged, and it felt good; good enough that you ended up back in their bed.
There you were, happy, no, euphoric! The feeling of being back with them was electric, no regrets to be found. It was the honeymoon phase all over again, but this time even better. The laughs, the conversations, the hugs, kisses, hand-holding, the sex; it all seemed to be on a whole new level you had never reached the first time you were together. It seemed so silly why you broke up in the first place. You worked on it; the past was in the past, and this time, it would surely last.
Until those reasons reared their ugly head. You got in your (second) first fight, and then your next, and then it was one after the other until it was “f*ck this, I’m done.”
And this time, you hated them. You would never go back; you were sure of it. Why would you want to be with someone who treated you that way and did the things they did? They were awful; you wished mercy upon the next unlucky person who stumbled into their lives. Good riddance!
One night, out on the town, tequila shots flowing and no cares in the world, into the bar they stumble. “Oh God,” you thought. It was the last thing you needed! You loved being single, you were having a great time, you finally were over them, you hated them! But really, deep down, you knew you weren’t, and you knew you didn’t.
After ignoring each other for the first hour or so, one of you gained the liquid courage to approach the other. It didn’t take much: a familiar smile, their hand grazing your thigh, the song you both loved, the words “You look good.”
Once again, history repeats itself, and the next morning, you open your eyes to a headache and an ex. How could you let this happen? You were done, through! But regrets slip away as their lips touch your forehead, and “Good morning” sounds more like “Here we go again.”
This time, you’ll go slow, you’ll be casual, you won’t complicate things—it’ll be fine! You enjoy being around them; they make you happy. Why would you end it? They’ve changed; they swore it! You’re honeymooning all over again, and it’s amazing—better than ever before! Until it’s not.
“I am so done this time,” you swear to your friends. You even throw their toothbrush away; they can’t sleep over now!
Spoiler: they can, and eventually, they do. You end up in this endless cycle of on again, off again, and you know it’s toxic, you know it’s unhealthy, but you just can’t stay away, and you’re not alone.
During many breakups, an unforgivable act is committed, and the idea of “on again” is nixed from the start. And while one may be willing to go back, one of them won’t budge, and that’s okay. That is a healthy breakup. There is no contact, no what-ifs or maybes, and no question about getting back together. It’s a done deal.
The draining on-and-off cycle happens when both are willing to go back. It’s likely the original breakup was left with maybes. Maybe one day they will be ready for a relationship, maybe one day they will grow up, maybe one day they will be emotionally available, maybe one day they will see a therapist.
Because of this, you both will constantly go back in hopes of one of your maybes becoming a fact. The problem is, it’s likely it won’t. It truly comes down to you wanting this person to be someone they’re simply not. They’re not ready for a relationship, they’re not grown up, they’re not emotionally available, and they’re not going to see a therapist, at least not anytime soon. Unfortunately, it can be nearly impossible to grasp this concept. This is why I propose another method of getting over your back-and-forth, never-ending relationship: go back until you (actually) hate them.
Your friends are going to kill me for saying this, but go back to them. Keep going back. Your parents, friends, and coworkers will tell you they’re wrong for you, that you need to move on, but you’ve stopped listening to them. You stopped listening to them a long time ago. It’s come to the point where you need to experience it for yourself. You must endure this consistency of broken promises, recycled arguments, and failed growth to train your mind that you are not meant to be with them.
The cycle is going to continue until you genuinely believe that they are wrong for you and that you do need to move on. You won’t be able to move forward until you’ve exhausted every what-if or maybe and reach the point where there is no hope left for them to be a positive contribution to your life. You can hear from others how much more you deserve and how easy it would be for you to find someone better, but if you continue to believe that you are deserving of the way they are treating you, then you will continue to stay.
There is one person who can make the decision to be done, and that person is you. So go back until you hate them. Go back until you absolutely despise them. Go back until you hate yourself for being with them. Go back until one day, it hits you in the face that you are deserving of more. Because if you go back again and again, one day it will, and that will be the day you finally leave and never look back.
Strike Out,
Morgan Harms
Boca Raton
Morgan Harms is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. She is a Pisces mermaid with a love for the ocean. She spends her free time daydreaming, wave-watching, and blasting whatever music she’s into that day. You can reach her by email at morganjharms@gmail.com or on Instagram @morganjharms.
