Generational Curses: What's up with that?
Being a part of the Hispanic community while growing up in the United States is a very difficult challenge. I have had to overcome boundaries that both my culture has trouble tackling and my surroundings have difficulty adjusting to.
Why is this an issue?
Growing up as an Afro-Latina individual, I am expected to look and act a certain way based on generational traditions that have been passed down in my family. For example, since I could remember, I have always been a person with a mind of my own. I have found beauty in the idea that I can be whoever I want and look however I want without worrying about what people around me have to say. The issue with that is everyone always has something to say. I cut my hair short when I entered Middle School because I craved the feeling of non-conformity and androgyny. I enjoyed wearing clothes that were not a perfect fit, I was uninterested in makeup and shiny jewelry, and I enjoyed all things that were not considered very feminine. This struck something within my family. I would constantly get asked why I would ever dare to cut my long hair because it was so beautiful. I would often be asked about whether or not I had a boyfriend yet with a fear of my style presenting otherwise, and often, I was questioned about my behaviors and why I enjoyed sports over dance. I was constantly conflicted with the decisions I was making because I was making them to please family rather than being comfortable with who I am as a person.
Image Courtesy: Joselyn Cruz
If it wasn't bad enough to have a family that implemented their own selfish beliefs, the people around me also played a role in attempting to shape me as a person.
Since pre-school and now in my undergraduate studies, I have been in a predominantly white education system. I have always been proud of my culture and was never ashamed of it until I entered the beginning stages of middle school. I remember the first day I was bullied for the texture of my hair and the color of my skin. I would urge my mother to straighten my hair in hopes to fit in with the other girls around me; however, I knew I could never look like them. I would stand in the mirror and hold something white against my skin to imagine myself as a person who was not of color. My bodily features have always been masculine and stronger than many other females around me, which would make me violently insecure when being around girls half my size. I never knew where I stood. I wanted to be my own person without everyone else around me giving their input on just what that person should be.
Image Courtesy: Joselyn Cruz
So, how did I handle this exactly? More so, how can you break generational traditions?
One day it all hit me. All at once, I said, who the hell am I? What makes Jay, Jay? Although it was a really hard reality that hit, I understood that I will never be universally accepted by everyone. Not family, not friends, not strangers. Therefore, I needed to understand and mold the person I am based off of my own emotions. I began to dress how I wanted, do all the sports I was in love with, and I realized I did not have to date someone to get married and have a family like the rest of my relatives. I began to love all the parts of myself and romanticize the ones that others hated. Family disapproved and friends questioned me, but at some point, keeping up with what others had to say became too tiring and draining on my mental health. I have begun to educate my family on just why self-expression is so important and urged them to break out of the generational cycles we were so accustomed to.
Image Credit: Joselyn Cruz
Today, I am the most comfortable I have been in my entire life. I am now able to appreciate the most beautiful parts of my culture without having to submit to its generational traditions. I am able to express my culture to my friends in ways I have always wanted and am fully accepted for who I am. It is not impossible to be an individual while also embracing tradition.
Strike Out,
Joselyn Cruz
Saint Augustine
Editor: Maya Kayyal
Joselyn Cruz is a Writer and Hair Stylist for Strike Magazine, Saint Augustine. They’re a caffeine addict, manga obsessive, and love to spend their time grounding on a patch of grass somewhere. You can probably find them watching Jersey Shore or drinking a slushy somewhere. You can reach them at cruz828@flagler.edu or on instagram @jozzy.lyn.
