Emotionally Mature? That’s Hot.
I used to be someone who took everything way too personally. If a friend didn't reply to my text quickly, I would think they were upset with me or even hated me. When I was angry with someone, I would shut them out and hold onto that anger. During arguments, I would have really intense emotional outbursts. At the time, I didn't see how my reactions were not only hurting my relationships but also draining the life out of me. It felt like I was in a constant battle, not just with others but with myself as well. Looking back, I realize I lacked emotional maturity, which made everything in my life much more difficult than it had to be.
Emotional maturity isn't just about keeping your cool during disagreements. It's really about managing your feelings in a way that doesn't harm you or the people around you. It involves taking a moment to think about what's happening before you respond, knowing when to let things go, and recognizing that not every uncomfortable feeling has to turn into a fight. Some people don't even realize they lack emotional maturity until their relationships crumble. In fact, some go through life completely unaware of it.
Consider a moment when someone really bothered you, like when they canceled plans at the last minute or said something that upset you. Maybe they even left you out of something important. How did you respond? Did you jump to conclusions and think the worst? Did you react by getting angry, ignoring them, or letting bitterness build up inside? Or did you take a moment to step back and view the situation more clearly rather than letting your feelings take control? Now, think about if someone approached you and called you out on something you said that hurt their feelings. Did you instantly get defensive? Did you try to turn the tables and make yourself seem like the victim?
Being emotionally immature can lead us to act on impulse, making us feel like we have to respond to every negative feeling immediately. It can cause us to misinterpret others' intentions, blow small issues out of proportion, and push people away without even realizing it. This behavior creates unnecessary drama, leads to misunderstandings, and harms relationships that could have been mended with a bit of patience and understanding.
Picture the same scenario, but this time, you handle it with emotional maturity. Instead of reacting right away, you take a moment to just think, and you remind yourself that while your feelings are valid, it's important to fully understand the situation before you respond. You consider that your friend might be feeling overwhelmed and simply forgetting to text or that their comment wasn't intended to hurt you and wasn't personal at all. Rather than shutting down or reacting angrily, you choose to communicate. You ask questions, share your feelings without being confrontational, and listen to their perspective of the situation. Just like that, what could have turned into a heated argument transforms into a healthy conversation.
Doing this changes a lot. Suddenly, your relationships don't feel like a series of emotional ups and downs; you're less likely to be offended by small issues, and tough discussions don't seem like personal attacks. You begin to tackle challenges with a clear mind instead of chaos, making life feel lighter since you're not burdened by every little annoyance.
The reality is, many people go through life without realizing they are often the problem in these arguments. They believe the world is filled with difficult individuals, not recognizing that their reactions play a role, if not the biggest role, in the issues they experience. They think others are always trying to hurt them, that no one truly understands them, and that relationships have to be challenging. However, the truth is that emotional maturity makes everything so much easier.
When it dawned on me a few years ago that I may have been the problem, I asked myself this: Do you listen to understand, or do you listen to respond? When someone tells you that your actions have hurt them, do you reflect on it, or do you immediately get defensive? When things don't go your way, do you react impulsively, or do you take a moment to process your emotions before responding? When conflict arises, do you seek a solution, or do you seek to be right?
For a long time, I didn't see how I was making my life harder by reacting instead of reflecting. I used to think that my feelings justified my actions, no matter how reckless or unfair they might be. However, everything changed when I began to recognize my own behavior; when I stopped pointing fingers at others and started looking at myself. I learned to stop seeing people closest to me as my enemies and see them as humans with their own emotions, challenges, and viewpoints. Emotional maturity starts with a decision to stop letting your emotions control you and start taking responsibility for how you react.
Because guess what? No one has to deal with emotional immaturity; some people will literally leave. If you keep facing the same issues in your life, you need to reflect. Could it be everyone else, or is it actually me?
Growth is uncomfortable and sometimes forces you to admit things you may not want to. It'll only become worse when you don't want to, and that's when you wake up one day and realize you've driven away those who cared about you. That's when you recognize that you've spent years fighting unnecessary battles, and that's when you understand that the relationships in your life would've been healthier if only you had been open to change.
So, the next time you feel defensive, upset, or hurt, give yourself a moment to think about it. Reflect on it and ask yourself: what if I approached this differently? In that brief moment of self-reflection, you're not just reacting; you're growing, and that can make all the difference.
Strike Out,
Jessica Harris
Boca Raton
Jessica Harris is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. As a proud introvert, she is described to be quiet but always up for challenges to get her out of her shell. When not overworking herself with school and work, she's nose deep in a book on her balcony, sobbing over Kdramas or constantly writing in hopes of publishing a book. You can reach her at jessicaharris777@gmail.com.
