Emotional Support Isn’t Labor
Nobody wants to be a bad friend. Sure, we all know those people who are toxic to be around, but they don’t intentionally act like that. Somewhere in their mind, they managed to convince themselves that they were an amazing friend. There aren’t many people who have the aim of being a bad friend and, typically, would go out of their way to avoid it. Even if that means being so detached from people you care about that you can barely call yourself acquaintances.
Ever since social media grabbed hold of those AP Psych vocabulary words you learned in 10th grade, there has been constant misuse of actual clinical terms. “Emotional labor” is not an exception to this— this term has been misused and abused to the point that we think that having your friend telling you they’re having a bad day is emotional labor.
Emotional labor is dealing with microaggressions in the workplace or taking care of your sick father-in-law with no help from your partner. It’s acting as a therapist for your parents your entire childhood or having a friend only come to you when they want someone to sob to but never being available when you need them.
A friend asking for a ride to the airport or needing an hour to vent when they’re always by your side when you need to talk is not emotional labor. Texting someone back (it doesn’t have to be right away, but don’t ghost, come on!) or putting your schedules together to find a time to hang out isn’t emotional labor either. Asking for emotional support is not the same as emotional labor, especially when that same emotional support is given back. That’s just how friendship works.
This concept of asking for any sort of help or emotional support being seen as unfair emotional labor is straining friendships in this generation. Mixing that with the constant search for individualism, which is defined as the habit or principle of being independent and self-reliant, an epidemic of loneliness has been created.
Made worse after COVID-19, where we were literally isolated, we have currently taken to isolating ourselves without the CDC telling us to. Everyone in our generation is fighting off that nagging feeling of unending solitude but can’t find it in ourselves to reach out to someone else. Whether it’s the fear of being seen as unfair emotional labor or holding on to this idea of individualism, we have created a degree of separation from everyone, including friends. It’s said that long-term loneliness has the same effect on your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day does. It’s damaging to our mental and physical health.
So, how do we avoid falling into this never-ending drain of loneliness? For one, we have to understand the difference between emotional support and emotional labor. You shouldn’t be afraid to ask for emotional support and to give it back on the same level. That’s what friendship is. Leaning on each other when times are hard and helping each other when needed. Creating safe boundaries should be a priority, but you also have to make sure you aren’t casing yourself in a self-imposed case of isolation to avoid being emotional labor or to act completely independent.
Humans are social creatures. We need each other to survive and to thrive. To stop being the generation that is worsening the loneliness epidemic, we have to stop pushing people out and start leaning on each other.
Strike Out,
Rameen Naviwala
Boca Raton
Rameen Naviwala is a content writer for Strike Magazine Boca. A water sign that enjoys rom-coms and reading melodramatic novels, she spends most of her time with headphones on and scribbling down whatever thought comes to mind. You can reach her at rameen.naviwala@outlook.com.
