Don’t Worry, You’re Prettier
Image Courtesy: Instagram
“Oh. There’s a picture of his ex on his Instagram.”
“Let me see...Oh, don’t worry, you're so much prettier than her.”
I've never really liked the phrase, “Don’t worry, you're prettier than her,” and it has never brought me the comfort that others assume that it will provide. Don’t get me wrong, it's great to hear it from your friends that you, on the social hierarchy of beauty, are prettier or better. It feels good…but at what cost?
This reality may seem harsh, but if your friends tell you that "you're prettier than her," not only are they lying to you, but the statement doesn't really mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything except that they tore down another person to lift you up. They are your friends, and if they are good friends, they would obviously say that you are prettier. But if you think about it, the friends of that ex or that other girl would say the exact same thing about you. Our beauty should not be seen as a rankable variable in the pursuit of a guy, especially if it is focused on the embodiment of what we think men want.
The use of “pretty” and ranking of other women, by other women, reinforces the idea that women are in competition with each other over men. As a result, physical appearances and the conventional standards of beauty become consequences of that competition.
I don’t think that women are intentionally trying to tear each other down. Rather, it is a repercussion of society telling us that being pretty matters and is a factor in whether or not a guy is going to have an interest in women. This heavy emphasis on the importance of appearance and being “pretty” can lead to women changing who they are and what they look like to fit the mold of what a guy is looking for—a mold constructed around the male gaze.
Image Courtesy: Instagram
Beauty is subjective, and as a self-conscious 20-something in college, it is hard to tell yourself that everyone is beautiful in their own way; it is easy to fall into the trap of comparison. As corny as it sounds, everyone is beautiful, and that’s the truth. Even more so, beauty is not central to who we are as women or as people. We are not just beautiful portraits or pictures on a screen. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but it is definitely not the center of our being.
Now, there is nothing wrong with hyping up your friend and making her feel better when the guy she likes is talking to another girl at the bar. There is nothing wrong with reminding them that they are beautiful. If anything, we need more of this encouragement, but women cannot support each other at the expense of other women.
Women have already been placed in a position where we have a constant expectation to be better. We are expected to be so put together, to the point where we are all driving each other insane—all to hide our imperfections and flaws, all in the pursuit of making the statement “you’re prettier” true. We need to dismantle this type of thinking, and putting down other women won’t help in this endeavor.
There is no easy fix to this problem, but we can start by letting our friend know that the guy she likes, who is with a different girl at the bar, is simply not worth her time. Tell her that she is valued by the people who know her best, that her self-worth is not determined by anyone, let alone one guy.
Don’t tell your friends that they’re “prettier.” You’re not “prettier.” It doesn’t really matter, and you're better than that.
Strike Out,
Writer: Isabelle Grassel
Editors: Kimani Krienke, Natalie Daskal
Writing Director: David Kramer
Blog Director: Helenna Xu
Notre Dame
