Commitment Through Chaos
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We live in a glorious age where being a young, independent, free-spirited woman is romanticized and sought after. The upcoming generation of women is empowered by the idea of self-reliance and living a life fully determined by themselves. We chase after shattering glass ceilings and taking control of our own lives.
Being a young woman heading into her early 20s, I see the narrative of living fiercely, bold and independent projected everywhere I turn. I should embrace my youth and every moment. I should be individualistic, adventurous and determined. I should not waste my prime years in a long-term relationship.
That is where the problem lies: for me and so many other young women who want to break down social gender barriers and live our youth to the fullest, but also can’t escape the fact that we are romantics at our core. The modern world tells us we can’t do both.
The modern world says: A young woman cannot be committed to a man and have a fun night out with friends. A young woman cannot have a boyfriend and chase her own life goals at the same time. A young woman cannot work against a patriarchal system while spending her young adulthood in a long-term relationship.
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A powerful young woman must be single. A successful woman cannot date. A free woman cannot be in a relationship. These are the ideas that are pushed throughout progressive media and conversations, but after many hours spent trying to choose between what seems to be the two paths of life, I began to ask: why can’t I have both? Why can’t a young woman live a free and fulfilling youth, fighting against social norms while still being in a committed relationship? Surprise, she can!
The idea that you must be single in order to have fun at a young age and be a strong woman is driven by the all too common experience that every girl has been through first-hand or witnessed: the toxic, controlling boyfriend. Although that is still an unfortunate reality for many young relationships, we must break the stigma that every young couple suffers from this inescapable storyline.
Women do not by any means need a man to be fulfilled, but that is not to say she is any less dynamic because she does love one. In a healthy relationship, a girl in her early 20s can have an amazing night out with friends, she can work hard towards ambitious career goals, and she can fight against sexist constructs, all while having a boyfriend at home. A real love is centered around supporting the other person in everything they do, it thrives on enriching each other's lives through encouragement, understanding, and deep-rooted trust.
If you have a good love, there is no reason to worry about it holding you back. The right person will only push you further forward if you give them the space to do it. You can’t waste your time fighting against a good thing in order to fit into a certain role society has pre-defined for you.
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To all of the bad-ass girls in their young adulthood stressing out over whether they want to embrace their youth or cherish a healthy love: you do not need to choose. Let go of the fear that to be taken seriously, you cannot take love seriously. Let go of the fear that you won’t appear as ambitious or fun to other people because you are in a relationship. Just prove them wrong.
You can be strong and still be vulnerable. You can be free-spirited and still know that home is where your heart is. You can do anything and be everything all at once if it is what makes you happy.
Strike Out,
Caroline Kostuch
Edited By: Sophie McLeod
Athens