Choosing Myself Over Toxic Friendships

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From a young age, my mother instilled in me the principle of the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. While it's a fundamental principle for any decent human being, the reality is that most interactions lack this sense of effortless compassion and empathy.

At the beginning of my freshman year of college, I was filled with a mix of anxiety and excitement as I set out to make new friends. As a natural introvert, I typically need time to warm up and become comfortable when meeting new people. In those initial weeks of school, I encountered a group of girls who quickly became my closest friends—or so I believed. They were unlike my childhood friends, and I was excited about the idea of a fresh start, of sharing new experiences with friends who are uniquely different from what I’m used to. Although we did exciting things together, I couldn't shake the feeling of being the odd one out, a feeling I should have trusted from the start.

Despite being the shyest in the group, I strongly desired to be liked. This longing for acceptance led me down a path of chronic people-pleasing, causing me profound emotional pain. I felt like a doormat that they could walk all over. My trust in them was broken multiple times when we were friends, but I decided to believe in forgiveness and was convinced that holding grudges would serve no one. 

Throughout this friendship, I found myself in constant self-doubt, questioning what I had done wrong, whether there was something inherently flawed in me, and why I never seemed good enough. I often felt isolated within my own friend group, prompting me to wonder if this was what friendship was meant to feel like. It was exhausting and mentally draining. Amid the countless scenarios my mind conjured, I eventually realized that the issue wasn't with me but rather with my decision to engage with these individuals in the first place. Once I accepted that the relationship was shallow and insincere, my emotions hit an all-time low. The fear of being alone consumed me, but I came to understand that I would rather be alone than remain in an unwelcoming environment. Over time, I chose to prioritize my well-being and mental health.

It was a difficult transition, but in my darkest moments, I found a safe space with my childhood friends and proactively expanded my social circle to welcome new friendships. After everything I endured, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I feel incredibly fortunate for the friends in my life now. They have shown me what true friendship should be: uplifting, supportive, and unwavering.

Above all, these failed relationships became one of my life's most valuable learning experiences. I wholeheartedly believe that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. In the case of these girls, it was undoubtedly for a reason and far too many seasons. The biggest takeaway from this experience is that the way people treat you is often a reflection of their character rather than a judgment of your worth.

Strike Out,

Writer: Anonymous

Editor: Noelle Knowlton

Tallahassee