Ariana Grande: A Personal Timeline
It’s common knowledge that Ariana Grande is releasing a new album. Grande has many albums to speak of, such as “Yours Truly,” “My Everything,” and the classic fan-favorite pop “bad girl” album “Dangerous Woman.” It’s also common knowledge that the circumstances surrounding this latest album, “eternal sunshine,” have the internet in a tizzy.
I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about me.
Though “thank u, next” remains Grande’s most popular album and “Positions” is a favorite of mine, my personal journey with Ariana Grande begins with “Sweetener".
My connection to Grande’s music blossomed out of her most experimental album to date. “Sweetener” has all of Grande’s effortless talent and infectious bravado, but the catchy and genuinely well-crafted pop hits are mixed with more than a spoonful of vulnerability.
Grande first caught my attention with “no tears left to cry.” The cover of the single was intriguing enough, with Grande’s strict ponytail and striking side profile, a rainbow hue painting her cheekbones like the makeup she was so well-known for. The content of the song, however, was unlike anything I had seen in mainstream pop music.
Image Courtesy: Pitchfork
This single came out in 2018, right on the cusp of what would be a personal low in my life. I was young, at the tail end of my ninth-grade year, and like Grande, I had no idea what was in store for me.
“Sweetener” came after a personal tragedy for Grande. In a well-documented suicide bombing following an Ariana Grande concert at Manchester Arena, 22 people were killed. Grande has spoken publicly about this event and performed a fundraising concert called One Love Manchester to raise funds for the victims and their families. It took place in Manchester only a month after the initial bombing.
Image Courtesy: NME
Grande’s mental health struggle following the bombing is ingrained in “Sweetener’s” tracks. Songs such as “no tears left to cry” and “breathing,” while not explicitly about the bombing, discuss anxiety and grief in a medium I had never seen before. I was reaching out for connection and coming up empty-handed just as Grande began to express what I had felt was inexpressible. The song “get well soon,” a tribute to the victims of the Manchester bombing, is a song that held my hand when no one else could. “Sweetener” is so much more than a pop album. For me, it was a place to rest, to feel understood, and to feel a little bit better about the load I had to carry.
The positivity and joy that saturates “Sweetener” despite all its weight make it stand out, not just from other pop music at the time, but as a glaring opposition to the album to come, one saturated with a loss and despair that is almost inescapable . “Sweetener” contains only the beginnings of the grief Grande would experience in the next two years.
On September 7, 2018, less than a month after “Sweetener’s” release, artist Mac Miller died of an overdose after a longtime struggle with addiction.
Grande, though the two were ex-partners, considered him to be one of the most significant people in her life, and this loss produced one of the most popular albums of 2019 and the lowest point of Grande’s mental health, all within the public eye.
Image Courtesy: YouTube
Though “Sweetener” has the greatest personal significance to me, “thank u, next” was the album that truly brought forth the deep vulnerability and honesty that I have now come to expect from Grande’s future work. Tracks like “imagine” and the heart-wrenching grief of “ghostin” reference Miller, and the album seems to flow around this deep mourning and fold outwards into songs like “bad idea,” about unhealthy coping mechanisms, and “fake smile” about the concept of being “fake happy” (like Paramore’s song from a similarly vulnerable album, “After Laughter.”) I grew to respect Grande for the uneasy way she delves into herself and the facets of her personality that are far less than perfect (see “pov”). This album came to me when I was struggling to be honest with myself, and the transition from “thank u, next” to “Positions” felt like a journey that mirrored my transition out of the middling years of high school and into the realities of myself and my future during senior year.
“Positions” is, without a doubt, an album that has a great hold on my heart. Where “Sweetener” is light in spite of dark, and “thank u, next” is honesty in the face of tragedy, “Positions” represents the cautious optimism of finding love after declaring it off-limits.
Grande released “Positions,” an album that has Grande —and her music—stripped down and baring all. The soul-crushing reality of Grande’s last two albums seemed to join in a joyous, hopeful culmination of letting your guard down to let love in. Songs like “off the table” and “safety net” address the struggles of opening yourself up to potential harm for the sake of connection. These songs contrast with the candied contentment of “test drive,” “love language,” “obvious” and the title track.
Image Courtesy: uDiscoverMusic
When the album’s deluxe version was released in 2021, I was provided with the words to describe the next year. I was graduating from high school while struggling with how to open myself up to love without inviting the harm I had protected myself from for so long. Grande’s songs helped soothe the anxiety of these drastic changes and once again, made me feel less alone in my feelings.
Though celebrity culture has less of a hold on me than ever before, I still feel a strange sense of kinship with the artist who supported me when I had nothing else to fall back on. Music is healing, and I have grown out of the need for these songs, just as she has grown out of the person she was.
Grande may not be the best lyricist or the best person, and there will be people debating this for years to come. All I know is the support and comfort I have found in the honesty of an imperfect person, and I hope Grande continues to stay authentic and unapologetically real, even if it can only be found in the music.
Strike Out,
Hadley Balser
Edited by: Reanna Haase and Hollis Humphrey
Orlando
Hadley Balser is a content writer for Strike Magazine Orlando. They can often be found thrifting with one airpod in or spacing out to their growing record collection. They are also quite fond of writing, David Bowie and queer cannibals.You can email them at hmsbalser@outlook.com or follow them on Instagram @hadley_balser.
