Are Indie Boys Walking Red Flags?

Image Courtesy: @DylanMinnette

The trope of the person who “isn’t like everybody else” has been used for ages in film, especially teen comedies and coming-of-age stories. Often, the main character is the one who stands apart from everyone else in their life, receiving attention (whether positive or negative) from their parents, friends, and romantic interests for being different. Today, we call this type of person a “pick-me.” I’ve seen pick-me girls get made fun of everywhere on social media, often justifiably so, but never their male counterparts.  

We all know that one guy who has alternative rock dominating his playlists, whose style is considered “grunge” or vintage, and who is perceived as mysterious, and therefore, hot. This is what Gen Z likes to call the “indie boy.” 

What is an indie boy? 

Indie boys are primarily defined by their style, taste in music, and hobbies. They are considered to dress nicer than other guys, often sporting baggy jeans or cargo pants with graphic shirts, cozy sweaters, and Converse, Vans, or loafers. These clothes are usually thrifted, vintage, or both. An indie boy’s life often revolves around old/alternative music, being in nature, classic literature, and indulging in A24 films.  

Yeah, I know. Using a super vague term to categorize thousands of individual guys must sound ridiculous. But I've come to find through personal experience and stories I’ve heard over and over again that many guys categorized as so tend to possess similar traits, apart from their appearances. Many indie boys can simultaneously be deemed “pick-me” and “nice guys.” 

Let me set the record straight. Not all indie boys are red flags, of course. One can’t possibly know the character and intentions of every guy. I’m talking about a specific type of personality and attitude I’ve seen and heard about that is present in certain indie boys time and time again. 

Let’s go over a few red flags to look out for in an indie boy. 

The quiet and mysterious guy

Many indie boys can be reserved or introverted, not speaking up as much as others. Many people are attracted to the mystery that looms over someone who doesn’t show off or express their thoughts often. The quietness makes you want to break through the wall and get to know who he really is, expecting a magnificent personality that only a select few will experience. I always see TikToks about how girls often develop feelings for guys who show little to no interest in them, and I get it. Not seeing someone reciprocate feelings for you makes you want to try harder to get close to them, to show them that you’re worthy of being a part of their immediate circle. 

In reality, I’ve found that many of these guys are simply not good at communicating their thoughts and feelings. Hiding behind the facade of elusiveness and mystery, some guys simply don’t know how to talk to girls profoundly. Emotional unavailability is a huge red flag when actively searching for a relationship with someone. You will never be able to be vulnerable with a guy and see vulnerability reciprocated if he lacks self-awareness, honesty, and social skills. Communication is one of the critical foundations for a healthy relationship. Never knowing what’s on a guy’s mind will damage your self-esteem and ability to be honest with one another in the long run. 

Constantly trying to show you that he’s “not like other guys.”

I can’t count the number of times a guy has gone on about his defining character trait, only for me to realize that is the ONLY character trait he possesses. Frequently, it’s playing an instrument, writing poetry, painting, or something men don’t traditionally practice or tell people they enjoy doing. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of these hobbies and appreciate when someone opens up to me about them. But at some point, never shutting up about how you can do a kickflip over a flight of stairs gets boring and makes a girl realize you have nothing more going for you. 

It is so many girls’ dreams to be approached by a guy with an individual style and great music taste. Through the culture surrounding social media today, guys are almost handed on a silver platter exactly what girls want in someone, whether for a short fling or a long-term relationship. This makes it easy for a guy to manipulate someone into giving him what he wants. It’s not difficult to dress the part of indie, adopt the hobbies associated with the label, and show it off to thousands or even millions through apps like TikTok and Instagram.

So many guys who I consider posers and not actually indie try way too hard to use their indie boy status to impress. The idea that forms the foundation of a “pick-me” boy can definitely get to guys' heads. They often feel they have the right to treat their partners or potential lovers poorly, thinking the other person simply won’t be able to find a better option than him. 

Many indie boys tend to dress and act effeminate, rejecting gender stereotypes placed on men. While this is a beautiful thing in theory, unfortunately, in practice, many guys use this aspect of themselves to prove that they are feminists and couldn't possibly possess any misogynistic ideologies and practices. Not being the typical “Chad” type seems to boost some men’s egos, making them believe they could never act like every other man. In reality, this mindset cultivates extremely toxic behavior. 

Also, to any indie guys reading this, news flash: thousands of men across the world have record collections too. 

Being the Nice Guy

Now, fellas, this might feel like a personal attack to many indie boys, and on some level, it is. I’m sure at least one person reading this has been told, “I’ll treat you better than he ever could,” by a guy who was into you. This is the “nice guy” phenomenon in action. Possessing a sense of superiority stems from the belief that a guy is better than others because his style or personality is self-centered and the complete opposite of nice. 

Many indie guys know exactly what to tell a girl to get her to fall for them. They tend to lead a girl on by allowing her to envision a perfect future with him, ward off any of her potential love interests, and constantly reassure her that he’s the right person for her. At the same time, he could be talking to other girls, flirting with people in front of her, and making a practice out of avoiding “the talk” about what their relationship really is. This ends up making a girl expect way too much. She’ll have her head spinning all over the place, trying to figure out all of the mixed signals she is being given based on what a guy says vs. what he does about it. 

If you’ve ever heard a variation of the sentiment that “nice guys always finish last,”... RUN. 

Mansplaining his and your interests to you

If you’ve ever gone out with a red flag indie boy, you’ll probably have been given a speech on how much more he knows about a particular genre of music, movie, or book compared to you. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you all of my favorite underground bands” are words I’ve heard more times than I feel should ever come out of men’s mouths. 

My friends and I have all shared experiences of looking stupid in front of people while out with an indie guy. Whether it’s mansplaining a band’s discography to you or teaching you how to play that song on guitar “correctly,” or really, just how he taught himself through a YouTube video. A huge red flag is a guy masking his superiority complex with the idea that he’s a “nice guy,” all while making you or others look and/or feel inferior to him. I’ve been that girl who’s dressed in skater style or worn an outfit from a particular decade only to then be socially crucified and called a poser by a group of men for not actually knowing how to skate or what the most popular song of that decade was. 

Don’t get me wrong; I think indie boys can be super cool, kind, and genuine people. After all, a label should never be used to define a person completely. That being said, it’s important not to be blinded by the superficiality and manipulation that can be exhibited by a guy who thinks (and verbalizes) that he is all that different and unique from other men. Are indie boys really red flags? Not inherently, but consider this a warning. 

Strike Out,

Parmis Etezady

Boca Raton

Parmis Etezady is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. In her free time, she likes to take groovy photos, go to concerts (or blast music in her bedroom), and obsess over vintage fashion. You can reach her at petezady@gmail.com or on Instagram at @parmisetez.