Aphrodite Would Be Pissed
When I think about what causes me the most stress in life, it always boils down to labels. Not only with relationships, but especially with the way people perceive me and what labels they place onto me based on their interpretation of who I am.
I’m not big enough to be considered “fat” but not small enough to be “skinny” so, what is it, then? When you call yourself midsized, there seems to always be a wave of compliments being thrown at your face saying, “don’t say that you’re so beautiful.”
I never said I wasn’t beautiful. I only said I was midsized. When did that word become a synonym for ugly?
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Aphrodite stands for love and beauty, and when you see her body depicted in art, she is a woman with soft features and natural curvature. A woman who had hips and a stomach was seen as the blueprint of beauty. The ideal body type has constantly changed throughout history, but being thin is the only one that will be forever seen as “beautiful.” So, what about the many women who don’t fit this forever body standard? They’re subject to comments like “pig,” “cow,” “pudgy” or my personal favorite said to me by one of my middle school friends – “to lay off the calories.”
It's funny that the same body type that was once seen as the ideal, that the majority of women have, is seen as ugly, unhealthy, and unattractive now. I think about women like Marylin Monroe, a woman who was not only an icon, but a sex symbol, who had a gorgeous body full of curves. What is it about her that made people around the world swoon after her in adoration, but, yet I get called the “fat friend” at a New Year’s party.
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My personal experience with my love life coincides with my own self-image issues. I’ve noticed myself falling into the pattern of accepting love, even if it doesn’t fully feel right, just because I think that I can’t, and won’t get any better than this. That I should just be grateful for any attention I get romantically. In all fairness, my situation when it comes to engaging with new relationships is also impacted by my own romantic and familial trauma. But before every single date, I always stare at myself in the mirror and wonder if they're going to become unattracted to me the moment they see my body.
I’ve found myself in many relationships where I have ignored my intuition (a woman's intuition is always right) and ended up causing even more traumatic stress in my life. If that be staying with my Trump supporting ex-boyfriend for a year and half or a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable, all because I THOUGHT I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to find someone who aligns with me.
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I’ve made it my mission to be gentler with my own body. I’ve started to own my body for what it is, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days. It's such an uncomfortable sensation to always be hyper aware of your body. The way your jeans hug your stomach, the thickness of your arms, always tilting your head upwards to make your double chin vanish, it is all too exhausting. I know that Aphrodite would be pissed at me, as well as so many women. For hating the amazing bodies we were given but also for not appreciating ourselves enough to love people who are good and right for us. She would want us to experience the true beauty of love, no matter our body. It shouldn’t matter, nor should we even have to label ourselves to feel better. Everyone and every single body was born to be loved, and the universe will ensure you get everything you need and more.
Strike Out,
Jessica Giraldo
Saint Augustine
