Accepting the Love We Don’t Deserve
Image Courtesy: IMDB
Familiarity is a double-edged sword; one that often guides us toward feelings that are past expiration. We slice back the packaging in hopes that an experience will be fresh, only to be left, once again, dissatisfied. It’s impossible to recreate the feeling of something new, so why is it so desirable?
There’s something oddly comforting in resonating with feelings of emptiness and abandonment, especially during the season of intimacy. As someone who’s had her fair share of not-so-romantic relationships, it’s less than appealing to indulge in the sweetness of this season when it doesn’t resonate. I find this lingering familiarity in pieces of media like Buffalo’66; a movie I have consistently watched at the turn of every Valentine's Day for the past few years. Although there’s nothing directly romantic about this film by any means, it is a source of comfort. The cool-hazed film shows how easy it can be to accept a situation for what it is, even if it destroys you or offers you nothing in return.
From the first watch, this film offers a comforting embrace, often with scenes that are drawn out and subsided in tension. The film itself does not rely on conventional notions of romance but instead mirrors unfiltered aspects. Sometimes even the healthiest of relationships share aspects with ones that are doomed from the start.
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One of the strangest (yet most memorable) scenes depicts Christina Ricci’s character, Layla, as she awkwardly shuffles into a tap dance performance down the hallway of a dimly lit bowling alley. This scene is not polished, nor is it a rehearsed routine, but it is a simple gesture of vulnerability. In my perspective, this scene exemplifies the unpredictability and imperfection women often feel in relationships. Sometimes even the simplest aspects of a relationship can feel like nothing but a performance.
For me, this scene encapsulates the essence of Buffalo ’66: what we think of love doesn’t always unfold into a perfect scenario. Instead, it's messy, it's awkward, and you put so much of yourself up for speculation that you begin to question your own perception of love. Like Billy and Layla’s less-than-fortunate relationship in the movie, it's easy to find yourself reconciling a relationship you don't deserve. Sure, it’s expected that we just “forgive and forget,” but sometimes, it's better to accept situations for what they are and focus on the growth they encourage.
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This Valentine’s Day, I’ll be watching the movie from a slightly different perspective, as someone who has (somehow) found herself in a stable relationship. Despite this, I’m still reminded that love, like a spontaneous tap dance, can be both chaotic and beautiful. Familiarity is an incredible thing when it’s treated properly, but it shouldn’t be relied on by any means. When we become too attached to the ways of an unstable relationship, we begin to go through the motions without question. Instead of repeating the same cycle this year, I’ll welcome in the sweetness of this season. I’ll keep the memories of bittersweet relationships at a distance, with the growth they have encouraged kept close to my heart. This newfound growth is a feeling I will hold onto, and welcome for years to come.
Strike Out,
Writer: Emma Stanfield
Editor: Cristina Angee
Tallahassee