A Love Letter to My Acne
Image Courtesy: Pinterest
Growing up, acne or my skin was never a concern that really crossed my mind. I had a bunch of tiny freckles, but other than that my complexion was fairly clear even up through the eighth grade. When high school started it was like a switch flipped in my hormones, and the acne started popping up out of nowhere. It felt like I couldn’t get it under control no matter how hard I tried. While all of my methods may not have been the most effective (I know we all tried the Mario Badescu Rosewater Spray) I didn’t understand how my friends and peers could have such clear skin.
Pretty soon into my freshman year, some sort of medication seemed like the only option. My dermatologist started me on a plethora of colorful pills and topicals in hopes of bringing some sense of relief to raging skin. Doxycycline, Spironolactone, Differin were just a few of the names I can remember from that overwhelming time in my life. Everything I tried would either make me feel horrible, throw up, have mood swings, or just straight up not work. I’m not the first person to go through this struggle, and I definitely won’t be the last, but for that time period it felt like my skin was isolating me.
Eventually, after about 6 months, my dermatologist made the decision to put me on Accutane and while it did help my skin for a short period of time, I was miserable and news flash eventually my acne came back. It felt like the honeymoon period of a new relationship. Everything is going so perfect until suddenly it all comes crashing down and you’re back at square one.
This was all going down during my freshman year of high school. I was fourteen. Surely it would go away by the time I graduated high school. But alas, there I was a week before Prom, seventeen years old, going back to taking the extra Accutane pills I had lying around in hopes of finding a quick fix before the big night. I was desperate to find anything that would make all of the red dots on my face disappear for just one night of smooth skin. Just like before, it worked for a little bit, but eventually my skin just went to back to being it’s normal acne prone self.
When I cam to college, my acne started to get a bit better. Maybe it was the new environment, products, or just overall change of atmosphere - I’m not really sure. But for the first time in 5 years, it felt like there was finally some semblance of change happening within my body. And now, as I sit here writing this as a Junior in college, sometimes it still feels that way, and others it feels like I’m back in high school.
What I’ve come to learn throughout my entire journey with my skin is that just like everything it has ebbs and it has flows. Some days are just better than others and while I may be frustrated in the moment, I try to remember it’s only temporary.
For so many years I looked at my skin as this thing that made me less beautiful, confident, approachable, and just overall less happy, but now I’m glad I can look at it for what it really is. Skin. At the end of the day I can’t really control how it reacts to things, or what flare ups it may have depending on what time of the month it is, but I can definitely control my attitude. I spent far too long letting this surface level thing have so much control over my life, and even though it took 20 years I’m happy to say it’s losing its power.
My skin is not perfect. It never will be, but it’s doing its best and thats all I can ask for.
Strike Out,
Writer: Haley Wolf
Athens, Georgia