A Guide to College Dating from a Retired Hopeless Romantic
You’ll most likely meet that (temporary) special someone somewhere stupid like on a dating app or at the club. You’re in college– any other option feels unfathomable. But if you are blessed with a meet-cute, congrats! You’re living in a rom-com, and I’m so deeply jealous. Proceed with caution nonetheless.
They’ll ask for your Snapchat because no one uses phone numbers anymore. They’re too permanent and show too much commitment. If this whole thing were a blockbuster romance movie like the ones you binge on Valentine’s Day, they would give you their number so you could choose whether you want to talk to them or not. But no, they want to be your friend on an app that’s notorious for nudes and strangers who ask “wyll [what you look like].” Take what you can get.
When you start texting, be flirty– but not too flirty. You don’t want to seem overly eager. Strive towards a disinterest-yet-interested tone. Play hard to get, but not too hard to get.
Let them lead the conversation, but ask questions when necessary. If they send a snap, match their energy. If it’s a picture of a wall or computer, send a picture of the ground or ceiling. If their face is partly in it (most commonly an eye or their jaw), angle it similarly but be careful not to show too much. If it’s a full-face picture, consider it a compliment and take ten minutes trying to find the right angles and lighting. Send back a full-face snap you’re not very satisfied with and hope they won’t linger on it long enough to see the imperfections you see. Keep going back and forth. It’s a formula you’ll master in no time.
Keep track of how long it takes them to reply. You don’t want to answer fast when they take a long time. Better yet, leave them on delivered because it shows you don’t care even though you do. Do it even if your feelings for them have grown and you want to know how their day is going and if they heard the new song by the artist you both like and if they’d ever want to hang out. On the surface, the trick is simple: give less to receive more.
If you dig a little deeper, you’ll find that it’s a complicated, paradoxical phenomenon that’s been normalized in the modern college dating world, brought to life and enhanced by all those afraid of open, honest communication. If you think about it too hard, you’ll end up asking yourself: were we lied to all our lives about the reality of love? Are our favorite romance stories and fairy tales simply works of fiction that hold no truth? What happened to the letters and poems and songs and confessions in the rain? Have the writers run out of synonyms for love? Have poets forgotten metaphors and rhymes? Have musicians lost their tune? Have our own fears (rejection, commitment, raw intimacy– whatever it may be) manifested into impartiality and stripped us of the ability to properly communicate our emotions?
The answers to these questions won’t help you in your situationship– not when affection is considered clingy and effort is a turn-off. And once that realization hits you, you’ll find yourself wondering if you’ll ever break the cycle of situationships and if you’ll ever find your version of Mr. Darcy in your immature college dating pool.
But don’t worry, once your three-hour timer goes up, alerting you that you are finally allowed to answer them, you’ll be yanked out of the rabbit hole. Until next time, it’s chronic overthinking!
Before you answer though, think wisely because once you send that text, the ball is in their court. They have control to answer, leave you on delivered, or, most humbling of all, never respond. Expect the last one if you find yourself getting too clingy for their taste. Don’t begin to question why you can’t just have a regular conversation– those don’t happen very often with these types of things.
Lastly, don’t be surprised when things don’t work out. Just binge those 90s romcoms you love so much, avoid texting them at all costs, and repeat the cycle when the next one comes along.
Strike Out,
Orlando
Written By: Laura Marine
Edited By: Nina Rueda
