We’re Holding Grudges this 2022
Let’s talk about forgiveness. We all know what it is and we’ve all been taught about it. Growing up, I was taught to forgive and forget because it’s the “right thing to do,” and I should “always do the right thing.” But why is that always the right thing to do? Don’t get me wrong, this is not an attack on forgiveness. Forgiving someone can be extremely freeing, generous, and good-natured. But that is part of the problem. Society preaches this idea that in order to be free, generous, and good-natured, you must be a forgiving person. F*ck that. We sometimes go around forgiving everyone and everything as a means to feel relieved of all our pain. I’m not telling you not to do this, but here’s why you shouldn’t feel like you have to.
One word: grudges. Okay, first, let’s get rid of the negative connotation surrounding that word. It’s true that long-term grudge holding can eventually be damaging to your mental health, but it can be argued that it’s no worse than being too quick to forgive. Grudges can be helpful! Forcing yourself to forgive someone when you’re not ready to can belittle your feelings. It may make you think that what you are feeling about the situation is invalid, or not even worth feeling. I would know; I’ve done it. But it is worth feeling. Everything you feel is worth feeling; it is what makes us human. Holding grudges is just as revealing of our humanity as forgiveness is and can also be a coping mechanism for people. When a situation is fresh, remembering what someone did to you or how someone treated you will keep you thinking about why you probably cut that person off in the first place and in turn, shuts down any opportunities for toxic reconnections that can further damage your own sense of self-worth.
Occasionally, offering forgiveness to someone who doesn’t deserve it (and remember, it’s up to you whether or not they deserve it) can send that person on a power trip. Sometimes you forgive someone, and they think everything is now just fine, so they worm their way back into your life. Before you know it, you’re back into this cycle of getting your feelings hurt over and over by this person who feels like they now have authority over you. Instead, if you choose to hold that grudge and not forgive and forget so soon, you have then freed yourself from the constraints of an unhealthy situation.
You may be wondering, “how will I heal if I don’t forgive them?” Let me tell you. Your healing is about you, not the other person. Heal in your own way and on your own time. In my experience, forgiving someone too quickly for doing you wrong helps them heal and get over the situation more than it helps you. Now, if forgiving the other person will help you heal, then by all means go for it. Just don’t feel like you have to forgive them or, if you do, that you even have to tell the other person. Again, your healing is about you, not them. But if holding a grudge is what you need to do to heal, then, by all means, do that instead.
While forgiving is possible, forgetting isn’t, and moving on takes time. Our experiences, good and bad, shape who we are, how we act, and how we live. These experiences literally make us who we are, and you don’t want to be forgetting who you are; then, things start getting dangerous. But that’s for another article. Anyways, the point here is that it’s okay to be your own person and deal with things on your own time. It’s okay to hold grudges. It’s okay to never forget what someone did to you. And it’s okay to not forgive things right away.
Strike Out,
Ryan Manney
Boca Raton
Ryan Manney is a Content Writer for Strike Magazine Boca. His hobbies amount to surfing, skating, writing, reading, and everything music. When he isn’t surfing, he loves watching and/or playing live music. He also likes to wear cool clothes! You can reach him on instagram @ryanmanney or email @ r.manney3@gmail.com
